faith in You

13.

Robert lay away in his bed, unable to sleep. After what happened in the bathroom with simon- robert had completely shut him out. Robert didn’t want to see Simon, didn't want to talk or even think about the bastard. The one thing that Robert didn’t want to happen happened, and now Robert was beside himself. 

Robert couldn’t stop thinking about it- it was maddening. The memory of simon’s hands on his body was fresh, the feeling of simon’s mouth against his skin and his cock…

“Fucking damit!” Robert hissed, grabbing his hair as he forced that thought to sotp. Robert sat up, wiping his face before swinging his legs around the side of his bed. Robert stared at his feet, feeling like an emotionless bastard. Robert hated himself, but right now he hates Simon more.

Robert was stressed over the tour, well more like tours since Chris went out of his way to book Robert with the banshees as well. Now Robert not only had to deal with the stress of the cure on tour- but now he would have to endure the banshees as well. Robert would be surprised if he made it through this tour alive. 

Robert sniffed, reaching over to his night stand and pulling open the small drawer, gazing at the mess before digging through the papers and pulling out a small bag of sleeping pills. Robert quickly swallowed two pills, washing them down with old water before laying down on his side. Robert only had so much more strength in him to deal with everything before he would shut down.

Robert knew he was getting close to his breaking point; he could barely keep his cool anymore. Everything sent robert into an explosive rage or a depressive state- robert was manic, he barely ate anymore, he would go days without sleeping in fear of his night terrors and even worse robert had become dependent on sex to cope with his sexual traumas.

Robert felt so broken inside, he felt utterly shattered and disgusting. Robert missed mary- surprisingly. He missed the sense of normalcy she gave, even if Robert felt weird around her. Robert missed the simplicity of life before he became a musician. Sometimes Robert even wished that he hadn’t met Simon at all…

With a bitter expression Robert turned his back to the window and hugged a pillow to his chest, closing his eyes as the sleeping pills started to make Robert drowsy. Robert pressed his face into the pillow and let out a shaky sigh, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. Robert didn’t even know why he was crying.

Robert sniffed, trying to blink away the tears but they didn’t go away, instead they fell down to Robert's pillow and stained it. Robert curled up into a ball, covering his mouth to stifle a pained sob. Robert whipped his face angrily, his sadness turned to anger. “Why- why the fuck am i crying?!” Robert hissed, sitting up and throwing his pillow to the side without thinking and completely knocking over the glass lamp that sat next to his bed.

The loud crash made Robert jump and he stared at the floor, seeing the broken lamp. Robert groaned and laid right back down, covering his face with his hands. “Of course.. Robert hiccuped, not bothering to get up and clean the mess. “I’ll just clean it in the morning..”

*****

Robert woke up around 1 in the afternoon the next day, feeling groggy and discombobulated. Robert spent the next hour cleaning up the mess he made last night; being careful not to let the glass cut his fingers as he picked each piece up. Robert didn’t know what was supposed to happen today; he didn’t really remember much of last night.

Robert disposed of the glass properly, then spent the next hour in the shower; letting the scalding hot water run down his back. Robert didn’t bother to wash his hair; he didn’t have the energy to do a simple task like that.