faith in You

20.

Robert felt a thousand eyes on him; call it paranoid but Robert just knew that everyone was trucking staring him down, watching his body languages as if he were some kind of unhinged maniac who would snap at any moment. Robert didn't regret his outburst he had a few nights ago; it was shocking that Robert even managed to last that long in the first palace.

Robert hadn't breathed a word to anyone about what happened that night in the bathroom when Barry had assaulted him in the worst way imaginable; Simon had badgered him to fess up but Robert didn't bother. Barry was in jail for tax evasion and assault/battery charges against some bird. Robert was thankful that he wouldn't have to think about that bastard, but the damage had been done.

Robert had become a rotten person inside and out; he didn't care how he affected those around him, all he cared about was his addictions. It didn't matter how much Chris yelled at Robert, or how much Simon tried (and failed thus eventually giving up) to talk to robert- he had become a husk of the person he once was.

Robert took in a shaky breath, his nerves getting the best of him already. The night had only begun, and Robert already knew that tonight was going to be bad. Robert had been brought to some fancy club where chris told them to just try and relax; but the thing was that it was a Saturday night and the place was fucking packed with people dancing and talking. Robert lingered near the first floor, where it was more of a dance club where people could get fruity drinks and go dancing with their friends.

Robert had already abandoned the familiar faces he knew in favor of sitting at the bar in a depressing slip of self loathing and mental rot. Robert hadn't seen a glimpse of Simon after getting into a fight with gary; and Robert could only assume that Simon had finally chosen Gary over him. They were always together now; and Robert feared that Simon had finally lost interest in him, and that Simon was even considering leaving the cure in favor of working with gary.

That thought made rage and jealousy burn in Robert's chest, and he pushed those rogue thoughts down. Robert ordered another shot of tequila before shooting it down without a chaser; no phased by how badly it burned his throat. Robert let out a small cough, covering his mouth with his hand before leaning forward and resting his chin on his palm; tracing his finger around the rim of his cup with a bored expression.

Robert wondered where Simon went off to. When they arrived at the club, Simon almost immediately went to the bar and ordered a strong drink before disappearing to the second floor as if he had been to that exact club before. Robert wondered if Simon had been to this club before, he remembered Chris giving some kind of warning about the second floor being geared towards the fetish community- but Robert didn't think that Simon would be so keen about going up there.

Obviously Robert didn't know Simon as well as he had previously thought.

Robert let out a shaky breath, feeling unwelcome tears burning his eyes once more. Robert wondered how much he would have to cry until tears would no longer come; it seemed like they were never ending at this point.

With an angry huff, Robert whipped his eyes with his sleeve and stood up; nearly teetering ass over it. Robert hadn't realized how much he had already drank, he had grown such a tolerance for alcohol and other substances; Robert never really knew how much he could handle anymore. Robert rubbed his face, placing a hand on the bar before pulling out a pack of cigarettes. 'Just a quick smoke- if i go to the loo and lock myself in a stall no one can get me' robert thought, trying his best not to think about what happened the last time he was alone in a bathroom.

Robert walked towards the wall, making sure to go slowly since he knew how easy he would fall if someone bumped into him by accident- and the last thing Robert wanted to happen was to be trampled on. When Robert made it to the wall, he slowly made his way to the bathroom; keeping one hand against the wall so he wouldn't wobble. They had already spent about 2 hours at this blasted club; and Robert was more than ready to just leave.