faith in You

19

In the face of hostilities, Robert always liked to think he had the high ground. That he couldn't be phased by harsh words, or dirty looks. Robert told himself that he was level headed, that he wouldn't crack under pressure- that he could do it all without anyone's help. Robert told himself that he didn't need anything, or anyone. All he needed was himself, he could be happy when he was alone.

Robert told himself that everyone else was out to get him, to try and get under his skin or make him fail. In a way Robert was right, considering what happened with barry. Robert pushed Mary away, he didn't want her- he had plenty of other women hanging around his heels, pinning for a moment of his attention. Robert was never around anyways so it didn't matter. He hadn't even rang her in months, he knew she had moved on.

Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered at all.

Of course though... The universe always seemed to find a way to make things difficult for robert. In the making of pornography, robert had built walls so high up- he wouldn't let anyone inside his head. Robert didn't want anyone to see how much he was struggling, he didn't want to look weak in front of him. He never allowed anyone inside his head, never allowed anyone to see the terrors inside his mind. He was afraid that they would think he was mad.

The one thing that mattered most of all was Robert's best mate, simon. Robert cared deeply for simon... almost too deeply for it to feel normal. It wasn't normal, and Robert knew that. Robert always felt weird, but when he was around Simon he felt like himself. Robert didn't feel pressured to act a certain way or pretend that everything was ok. However, after what happened between them- the hushed whispers and shared looks of lust; Robert couldn't bring himself to be around simon. It was wrong, and now Robert had ruined their friendship due to his bitter and conflicting emotions.

However,as much as Simon tried to help robert; he never got far. Simon didn't know how to get Robert to open up, and oftentimes they ended up arguing. Simon hated this, and eventually his frustrations got the better of him. Simon fell into the same bad habits as Robert and their friendship deteriorated to the point of them being strangers.

Simon himself was struggling to feel human, with how popular the band had got; all these opportunities had presented themselves with little repercussion. Who was Simon to ignore such a bitter sweet sin in replacement of robert- who had rejected him time and time again. He would never turn down drinks, a few things of lsd and a beautiful woman wanting nothing more than to please him. Simon's current relationship was on rock bottom (just as Robert's was), so the only way he could cope was by ignoring his problems- and ignoring everyone else.

That was the start of the end of the cure.

With Robert struggling with his mental health, the sexual trauma that had been forced upon him and denying the fact that he was falling for his best friend; tension between the two best friends started to grow.

It started with a few dirty looks, then it grew to frequent disagreements. Then they started to have arguments, they would fight so often they couldn't even stand to look at each other. Robert took his anger and trauma out on Simon. Simon took Robert's anger and rejection and fueled his growing self-destructive habits.

It soon became clear months into the tour that there was something very wrong with the members of the cure; and soon it began to affect their performances.

The press started to notice and now with the public shaming Robert for his sub-par performances, chris breathing down his neck, being raped, Mary desperately calling him back to back and fighting with simon-Robert couldn't take much more. he was at his breaking point, he wasn't eating anymore, he could barely sleep due to nightmares that had returned with a vengeance.