i know you so well - ymir x historia

C4 - as faint as anything

...as faint as anything

ymir kicked her feet back and forth, focusing on the ground. still in her uniform, the metal of the bench made contact with her legs. she bit her lip in response to her thoughts and shivered as her skin began to crack.

"hey, ymir," historia held her hands behind her back as the other looked up in surprise. "can i sit?"

ymir took a second before responding, staring at historia's shoes and processing the soft sound of her voice. maybe it was okay to always be astounded, especially around someone so warm and welcoming.

she drew a long breath, sighing as she spoke, "of course, don't mind me."

historia sat with her palms to the bench and kept them under her legs to avoid the cold. the warmth of the other saved them a few teeth clatters.

"so...what are you doing sitting here?" historia used her anxious adrenaline to give a smile. she brought her face closer to ymir's while the other savored the scent of her clothes, her hair.

"nothing, really. just needed some time alone," the girl next to her silently questioned if she was being a bother, understanding the importance of taking time for yourself. she had felt that way just the day before.

"oh, but...of course i don't mind you sitting with me," she scratched the back of her neck. it was noticeable that ymir kept closing her eyes, she told herself it was to avoid to making historia uncomfortable. but it was also because she was a little nervous to look the girl in the eyes, she was nervous to let historia see her eyes, her face.

ymir tried to make it clear she wanted historia to be there without seeming desperate while historia's thoughts were occupied on what she should say. would it be boring to bring up school? would she be over stepping boundaries by asking why ymir seemed so nervous earlier?

"have a good day at school?"

"yeah," historia started to become significantly more worried, still unsure if she should bring this up, "kept thinking about earlier though."

"earlier?" ymir's shoulders were tensed up and her breathing quickened its pace.

"when i bumped into you," ymir's heart dropped. did she know? was she that obvious? was this a rejection before she even confessed? "you seemed really anxious. and normally you have no problem with talking."

historia took a breath before continuing.

" i don't know if it's my place to talk about this with you, but do you just hide it well?"

hide it well? hide what well? the fact that she was gay? the fact that she was nervous? ymir didn't know how to answer because she wasn't entirely sure of the question she was being asked, but she started anyway.

"do you mean...well," she let out a laugh and looked ahead of her. "what do you mean?"

historia felt her cheeks warm as she blushed, realizing she wasn't being one hundred percent direct. she had hoped ymir would just understand what she meant so she didn't have to explain or admit that she struggled with anxiety first.

"your anxiousness. are you always anxious, but have more control..." ymir listened intently, trying to formulate a response before historia was even finished. "...on some days better than others?"

ymir didn't answer. she let herself think back to earlier that day. she was obviously aware she was anxious, but how do you avoid telling the girl you like the reason you were being so awkward is because...you like her?

"or am i just reading too much into it?" historia began playing with the strap of her backpack, trying to release her worries.

it was then, ymir realized the reason historia was asking this wasn't because she got the memo that she had the fattest crush on her. it was because she, too, was worrying if she did something to provoke the atmosphere.

"oh...no historia," she gave a smile to help put hisu's mind at rest. "don't worry so much about it. i was startled and had no idea what to say."

historia felt a little better now that ymir understood what she was getting at. she planned how to answer, but the girl beside her had more to say.

"if i'm being honest, you make me nervous," ymir started kicking her feet again. "i'd like to get to know you better...so maybe i won't be so awkward next time we talk."

historia smiled brightly. there was going to be a next time. she desperately needed a friend, someone to confide in. "is that your way of finally asking me if we can be friends?"

ymir's eyes widened and she tried to defend herself, "finally? so you actually notice me following you around at school all day? god, am i that obvious?"

historia would have to pick up the pieces, right? who low key stalks someone in a platonic way?

historia furrowed her brows. yes, she did notice ymir and it didn't take long before she realized it was intentional, but she didn't know why ymir would be so flustered over wanting a friend. "i just meant, we've known about each other for so long, but never talked."

fuck. did she just accidentally give it away? ymir was sure historia knew now she liked her, she had to. but no, historia couldn't pinpoint ymir's attraction. it didn't even cross her mind.

"oh...so you don't know?" ymir began to mumble, not realizing her words, "most people see me differently when they find out im gay—"

"wait, what? you're gay?"

ymir was now extremely sheepish, embarrassed because her guilty mind kept fucking it up. yet, historia didn't really mind all the confusion. it was usually her that kept screwing up.

"it's the way we keep misinterpreting each other," ymir let a consoling laugh escape.

historia returned the gesture, "so your nervousness is just gay panic?" she shared another smile.

"heyyy, already making fun of me," ymir nudged her shoulder against historia's.

"excited you get to talk to a girl?" hisu continued the banter. ymir couldn't stop herself from staring into her eyes as they lit up. she seemed at peace. she's never gotten to see this side of her. it was moving.

"oh shut up, i'm excited to be talking to you in general."

it isn't easy opening up to others, but ymir and historia went home that night feeling appreciated and valid. they took their time speaking, leaving room for silence so one day it would turn comfortable. perhaps it already was. historia knew how ymir could be based off the little she knew. and yet, while many others found ymir a nuance, she still smiled at her. that girl.

AN:// hey 😏👋 hope whoever is reading this is enjoying. sorry it's a bit short :(( i am going to publish two chapters tomorrow though...plus things are starting to pick up :D let's see how it goes 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️