Horimiya - Ｉｔ Ｗａｓ Ａｌｗａｙｓ Ｙｏｕ

II

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crave by eli.

★·.·'¯'·.·★

A week and a half have gone by and I have yet to ask that girl to be my friend. The dread I feel for my first day continues to loom over me. Becoming her friend is crucial to my thorough enjoyment here. I refuse to be the freakish new kid on the first day. That awkwardness is above me.

A couple times a day, I find myself looking out my room window, wondering if my circumstances would be different if I had just mustered up the courage to introduce myself. Instead of wallowing in the what-ifs, I dramatically fall on my bed, cuddling my stuffed (favorite stuffed animal), the last gift my dad gave me before leaving on his last mission. He told me to imagine it was him and talk to it whenever I had troubles that I couldn't express in a more conventional manner.

I took this chance to roll over and lock eyes with the (stuffed animal).

"You won't tell anyone, right?"

The blank stare we exchanged was enough of an answer.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to her, I just don't know how," Lowering my gaze, I sigh. "Whenever I see her," I confess," it gets hard to breathe and I feel like I'm going to die. What is this feeling? Please tell me." Desperately looking into its black, lifeless eyes only taught me one thing: I look like a fucking idiot. In reality, I knew what this feeling was. I just wanted to ignore it for as long as possible. I didn't want my first friend to go up in flames. Plus, how was I supposed to look her in the eyes if things go south?

Why do I do this to myself? Putting the stuffed animal back on my bed, I got up and looked out my window once more, imagining the possibilities.

That's it, I declared. I'm finishing this right here, right now.

I force my body downstairs and storm out the house.

Determined to end this stalemate and move on with my life, I automatically blurt you, "Mom! I'm going out!"

Startled, she looks back to reprimand. "That's fine but come on, Y/N. There's no need to yell."

As if reenacting my prior venture, I stop at the gate, feeling my legs tense up. This time however, I'm prepared. I breathe in and out not once, but twice and begin to gain back control over my body. The achievement of taking my first steps out the house in over a week was robbed when a familiar face took it upon herself to use my body like a bike rack. 

Author's Note: Hey! I think I'm going to start recommending music at the end of each of my chapters. I think it would just be a fun experience to expand our pallets. Also I like telling people about me. So :)

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