The rose and the sunflower.
The girl with the golden eyes and the boy with a golden heart.
The girl that believed love was just a fairytale and the boy that believed fairytales are just stories waiting to come true.
'I used to think love was a point...
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———
Three weeks later, July 14th 2018
"Now, as we all know my family is in the crowd." There is a lot of screaming. "But as I welcome my lovely band up to the stage," More screaming as his band joins him on the B-Stage, "I'd like to dedicate this next song to a very special girl who is also here tonight." Oh my god, what is he doing? "She's been my best friend since 2010 and she's the reason I am who I am today."
I hate the feeling of excitement and longing I get because of his words but it's all just so thrilling being here, and now this... I can't control anything anymore. I'm only grounded right now because Anne has her arm linked with mine.
"This is Girl Crush."
The high of adrenaline saves me from sadness when I get this flashback of Harry and I. We were driving somewhere, I think it was me behind the wheel, and Girl Crush had finished playing on the radio. I remember sitting silently as I listened to Harry's quiet singing and then afterwards telling him how he should do a cover of this song.
I wonder if he remembers that, too. I wonder if that is the reason he dedicated this song to me specifically. And I wonder why I even care if he remembers any of it. Why does any of this still matter to me when I'm with somebody else? Harry and I's souls are no longer intertwined, so why do I still care?
Watching Harry perform on his final night of tour has truly been an experience. And his last song, Kiwi, the way he performed it three times...it's like someone would have to kill him to get him off that stage. He looked completely ethereal up there, I didn't even notice how I failed to shed one tear, much against my initial expectations.
Harry Styles is a fucking rockstar.
When I meet him backstage, all the guilt I was starting to feel about being here is suppressed. He smiles at me and half-runs to meet me in the hallway in front of his dressing room. I can't protest when he wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up. Don't have the time to as I start laughing and hold onto his shoulders to feel balanced.
He hugs me so tightly, as though he's scared I'm just an illusion and he needs the reassurance that I'm actually here. "Thank you so much," is the first thing he says to me.
"For what?" I ask as he rests me back down to stand on my own.
"For being here tonight," he says.
We kind of stare at each other for a moment and I wait to feel that pull I used to get anytime I was this close to him. It doesn't happen. I don't feel it. Instead I feel the guilt of showing up here tonight when I know I shouldn't have and I feel my smile beginning to fade. Luckily Harry doesn't see it because he turns around at the sound of his name.
"There you are! I was— Oh," Camille notices me and I can't tell if that was her smile faltering or not. "Hayley! I didn't know you were here! Ça va ?" She asks me how I'm doing and takes a step forward to make an embrace.
