The rose and the sunflower.
The girl with the golden eyes and the boy with a golden heart.
The girl that believed love was just a fairytale and the boy that believed fairytales are just stories waiting to come true.
'I used to think love was a point...
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an. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVER SINCE LA!! (first chapter of the double update!)
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When I was younger, I went to therapy for my anxiety. I've been to three different therapists and none of them worked for me. I used to think it was simply because therapy wasn't helpful, but I was very wrong. The reason it's never worked is because I used to be so against it. I was convinced I knew everything already and there was no way some random person could listen to me talk and tell me what the problem was.
Since I quit smoking, I've also been going back to therapy. It actually happened by accident. After finding out my medication was part of the reason I can never have children, I refused to take it. I told my psychiatrist back in Barbados that I would no longer need monthly prescriptions from her and then I found a new psychiatrist.
Zena also lives on my home island, but she's much younger and I think she's easier to work with. She started giving me therapy by chance, I didn't go to her with the intention to start. It was when I went to Barbados to visit Quinn towards the end of 2016. I met Zena to talk over the next steps with my medication and I told her I didn't want to have to take it as often as I used to.
I didn't even realise what she was doing until forty minutes had passed and she asked me if I'd like to come back and talk to her next week. Obviously my answer was yes, but I only said that because I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest after talking to her.
"Hey," I accept my weekly FaceTime from Zena. "How are you?" I ask, fully expecting some generic answer. I've made a bet with myself that she'll tell me it's hot because I know Barbados has a heat wave right now.
"The usual. It's been getting hotter recently, I think we'll get rain soon." Told you. "How are you, miss? You have an awfully big smile on your face this week. Good news?"
I don't realise I'm beaming until I glance at myself in the corner of the screen. "Great news. I got back together with my ex."
Zena narrows her eyes at me. "I think you're missing out a huge chunk of information there, Hayley. Are you talking about Jacques? Because if you are then I have to say I'm concerned about—"
"Oh! Sorry, no. Not Jacques. That's done for good. Remember I said we broke up because I'm still in love with Harry? Well, Harry and I talked and we decided to get back together."
"That's wonderful, Hayley. Did you talk to him about what you were telling me a few weeks ago?"
I nod my head proudly. "I told him everything I was concerned about. I gave him an out in case he wanted it and basically reiterated that if he decided to pursue a future with me, we won't be able to start our own family."
"And do you mind telling me what he said to that?"
I shake my head, not minding at all. "He told me that he didn't want whatever his future holds if I wasn't with him because he still loves me and he needs me in his life, and that he understands but he wants every part of me just as I am. Out of context it sounds kind of weird, I think. But I told him the same, that I need him in my life as well. We decided that we're it for each other."
