Feel (Kellic)

Chapter 13

I told you guys I suck at updating. But hey, thank the lord it's February because I have another long weekend. Also, this will be another filler chapter because I'm terrible that way. I'm stuffing my face with twizzlers as I write this as well. Oh boy. 

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Chapter 13

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

This is not happening, nope, it is not. This isn't real. This is just my imagination. No. Nope. Fake. This is absolutely, 100%, scientifically proven, fake. I'm just imagining things. I totally imagined the way my heart fluttered when he hugged me after he realized it was safe to comfort me. I did not feel comfortable with him holding me in complete silence, just letting me mourn for Hayley. Nope. He's a dead stranger. 

I do not, and I repeat, do not, have feelings for Vic. I, Kellin Quinn, am incapable of having feelings for anyone. That's final.

"You like him." Frankie says to me at the breakfast table. I'm freaking out, and normally I just block everything and everyone out when I do, but I sort of feel like I owe Frankie one. So yeah, I told him my dilemma. 

"No, I don't." I say defensively, but if I was anyone listening to my story, I'd think the same thing. Of course I want to deny it. I'm going to deny it until I can't speak anymore because I wore my voice down from screaming it from the rooftops. 

"Um, yes you do." says Frankie, in a somewhat bored yet forceful voice. He isn't giving up on the idea of me having feelings for Vic. 

"Um, no I don't." I retort.

"Um, yes you do."

"Um, no I don't."

"Yes, you so do."

"No, I so don't." 

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes." I throw my hands up when I see that I definitely fell for that cheap trick. Why won't he just let me deny it? I can't have feelings for Vic. I haven't even known him for very long and he always shows up at the most random times, so there's not much of a chance to get to know him. And, I hate most people, so how can I like this guy? Isn't he just like any regular person despite the fact that he's dead? So doesn't that mean I should hate him? Yeah, it should. But Frankie seems convinced that I like him. 

Frankie sighs. "It makes sense Kellin. That one time when you saw him through the window, you actually ran out to see him. And this whole thing with wanting to find out what really happened to him besides dying and all that. You like him. In a weird way, but you definitely like him. What happened yesterday just confirms it. Anybody could see that you have feelings for him. It's not that hard to see." 

I groan, not liking the truth behind his words. The saying goes the truth hurts for a reason, and this does hurt. It physically hurts my head, because I'm so used to convincing myself that I'm not capable of having feelings for anyone and that I'm emotionless. I know I'm not emotionless deep down, but I guess that's just my strategy to keep myself in one piece. But seriously. I can't like Vic. I just can't.

"Just admit it, Kellin. It'll be easier on you if you do." Frankie tells me. Maybe he's right. Ugh, I don't know! I'm not an expert on this.. Liking someone thing. I don't know what happens. What happens? Oh my god, I don't know! This is so annoying and frustrating. I don't want to admit it. Frankie can't force me to. Nobody can.

"Nope. I don't like him." I say firmly, acting like a stubborn five year old.

"You're seventeen, grow up and admit it." Frankie is obviously getting annoyed. I wonder what got his panties in a knot before he talked to me. Knowing Frankie, I'll probably never know. He's a mystery, that's for sure.  

"No." I say, and that's the end of this conversation. I get up and throw away the disgusting food into the trash and rush out of the cafeteria quickly. I can't admit it. There's no way. I know Frankie is right though. It'll be better if I do, because now this is the only thing I can think about and that's going to be a stress factor. It's going to worry me all day and keep me up all night and I'm never going to stop thinking about it. Isn't liking someone supposed to be a good thing? Aren't you supposed to feel like you're walking on clouds whenever you're around them? Don't you usually get defensive and shy around them, and everything they say makes you blush? Don't you want to be around them all the time because they make you feel this way?

My attitude totally doesn't match those 'symptoms', does it? I try to think back on all the times I was aorund Vic, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I do like him... There's a huge possiblility, that's for sure. I can't though, can I? 

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my mind. I'm freaking out, because this can't be happening. This isn't possible. I take a few more deep breaths and then rush to one of the bathrooms because I feel light headed and nauseous. I know I'm overreacting, but this is too much to handle at the moment. This shouldn't even be that big of a deal. To anyone, it probably wouldn't be. But to me, oh boy, I can tell why I'm overreating. 

Alright Kellin, calm down. Everything should be fine. I just need to breathe. I take deep breaths for another minute, and I stand in the middle of the empty bathroom, centering myself. 

Once I seem to be calm enough, I leave the room and head for my first class, trying to keep my mind off of this obvious dilemma. I need to focus today. I don't want to be stressing out over something like this. 

So, I settle on the obvious conclusion. I don't like Vic.