Feel (Kellic)

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I slide down the door of my dorm room, putting my head in my hands. I take in a deep breath, calming my racing pulse. There is something so strange about this Vic kid, and I can't explain it. It's like he's everywhere I go, during the times when all I want to do is be alone. He sat close to me, for crying out loud! I can't have that happening.

And yet, for some odd reason, I want to see him again. I've never wanted to see anyone again after the Hayley incident. I sometimes chat with people, but we'd end up moving on and never speaking to each other again. That's what I want. I can't have this feeling of wanting to see this boy again. I just can't. It's not right.

I groan, annoyance eating away at me. Over the months and year, I've grown so distant from other people that I'm not used to the feeling of having someone being near me, especially when they're trying to be near me. That really annoying kid, Frankie, was pretty much a literal fountain of words, and he was in my face for most of the lunch period. Thank god he didn't get offended that I ignored him most of the time.

But this Vic guy is a different story. He wasn't annoying in the way Frankie was, he was annoying in the way that he was actually trying to listen to me. I hate that. I shake my head, because he's in my mind and I can't have him there. That's against all my morals. No people, no emotions, nothing at all. Just me and my thoughts and my loneliness. And this guy can't change that.

But oh god, why do I want to see him again? This question is pounding through my head, rampaging around and igniting images of brown eyes and a kind smile.

I get up, and I can already feel anger coursing through me. Who does he think he is, coming into my life and messing up my system? I pick up a picture frame from the bed side table. I feel nothing towards this inanimate object, lifeless and empty. I removed the picture from it's glass casing long ago, so I smash it against the wall. I breathe out a long sigh, looking at the shards of glass littering the floor, shimmering in the dim light. A faint sense of satisfaction fills me up, and I want to break more tings, set them on fire. But I don't do a single one of those things.

Instead, I revert back to my neutral self as I clean up the broken pieces. This little outburst of anger is completely normal. It never lasts, and it's only there for a matter of seconds. I never used to be an angry person like this, but I guess all my pent up emotions choose to come out in the form of this particular one. I don't know why.

As I collect the sharp pieces, one cuts my hand. It's to be expected, seeing how careless I'm being. So I just stare at the red blood leaking out of the cut. It doesn't faze me. I've seen blood before, plenty of times. So there is no need for me to get worked up over this.

I finish my task and throw the shards away, separating this garbage bag from the other. I then go over to my bed and flop onto it, my eyes trailing over the empty walls. Exhaustion begins to crawl thorugh me, so defeated, I give into it.

***

I'm woken up by a knock on my door. I groan, covering my head with a pillow. What time is it?

I check the bedside clock. It's 1AM in the morning, and someone is knocking on my door. I'm so glad that we're not allowed to have room mates, because they would have already gotten up to get the door. Or not, it depends on the person.

I get up from bed groggily. I slept for quite a while, missing my last period classes and supper. I really must have been drained, because I've never slept for that long. I run my fingers through my bed head, combing it out. When I open the door, all I want to do is slam it shut again.

"Hi." Vic says with a look of caution in his eyes. It's 1AM, he should be cautious. I frown, not liking this one bit.

"Go away." I say, keeping my face and voice deadpan. Really, I'm freaking out inside, and I take a slow breath to calm that. I can't have that happening. I can't have him affecting me like this.