Feel (Kellic)

Chapter 29

This is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue after.

Also, I had more chapters planned but I've been writing this story for a year ??? That's how bad I am at updating. So I really hope you guys enjoyed it and it didn't start sucking at some point. After this I'll just be continuing to write The Definition of Not Leaving and something else sometime soon.

Thanks for reading this ily

***

I feel like I've been crying for hours, nonstop. My throat is aching from the wracking sobs and my ribs hurt. This must be the reason why I despise crying. You hurt and remember all the reasons why you hurt. Isn't crying supposed to make you feel better?

My tears are starting to dry up. Are they even real tears or are they just what I think are tears? Nothing really makes sense anymore. I understand everything that they were saying, but I don't think I'll ever be able to accept the fact that somewhere, my body is rotting underneath the ground and I have become a memory. The thought is terrifying, but it's reality.

I take in a few deep breaths, but that only results in me crying some more. Is there such a thing as dry crying? Because I doubt I have anymore tears left, but here I am sobbing some more. How pathetic. I should be able to stop. But if you had your whole world torn down in a matter of minutes, would you be able to stop crying? I don't think so.

I hear the door opening, but I don't look up. I manage to stifle my sobs, to make it seem like I haven't been nonstop crying. Whoever is here will surely notice though. I probably look like a mess.

They sit beside me, cautiously. They're being careful. I do realize I am slightly unpredictable when I'm emotional, but that's only because I try not to get too emotional.

"Kellin," the person says softly. Vic. I knew he would come here. Vic keeps talking, "I'm sorry."

I shake my head, not answering. I don't think I can speak. I think I cried my voice away. Is that possible? At this point, anything is possible.

Vic doesn't say anything, I don't think he knows what to say. He just sits there beside me, unsure of what to do. I want to feel angry at him. I want to yell at him to leave me alone, to get out of my room. But I can't. I'm not feeling anger. Not at all. Just sadness. Possible shock as well. Definitely shock.

"Am I real?" Is the first thing I say to Vic in the ten minutes that he's been sitting here, in silence. I want to know if my heart in my chest is real or of its fake, like my memories. I need to know.

Vic hesitantly puts an arm around my shoulders. I feel like he's expecting me to push him away, to close myself up even more. I can't deny that I do tense up, but I lean into him anyways. This reassures him that it's okay if he tries comforting me right now. I think I need it.

"Yes Kells, you're real. You're a person. You're not a living person, but you are alive differently. You're a soul, I'm a soul. This is the in between that we're in. They didn't think you could handle the thought of being dead. They had to do what they had to." Vic says, all in a soft tone. I'm relaxing against him, but I'm still shaking every few seconds.

"Did you ever actually have feelings for me?" I ask him. They said something about getting Frank and Vic to intervene so that I wouldn't remember dying on my own. I'm beginning to doubt this short relationship I had (or still have) with Vic.

"Of course I did. I still do. Sure, you're complicated and I had to be careful about what I said in fear that you'd remember, but that didn't stop me from seeing how great of a guy you are." Vic explains, and it's probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I want to burst out crying again, but I don't think I can anymore.