Feel (Kellic)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Visiting Day. One of the most dreaded days in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. They're good people, really. It's just that I don't want them to see me in this state. I don't think that would make them feel any better for shipping me off here.

Tons of kids are crowding around the oversized calendar they keep tacked up by the office. Some are groaning and complaining, because they forgot about today, while others are actually smiling and getting excited. Visiting Day is different for everyone, I suppose. For me, it's seeing my parents for five minutes before they feel guilty and leave.

The only thing I like about this day is that you don't need a teacher watching your every move. There's a little bit of freedom. Like any Saturday (everything seems to be on a Saturday), we don't need to wear uniforms. Our uniforms consist of the colours black and white. That's all. It's quite flexible, because we can wear whatever we want as long as it's those two colours, and those two colours only. After a while, it gets pretty damn annoying, but I honestly couldn't care less. Because in all honesty, I don't really wear that many colours.

I pick at the fraying edges of my dark grey jeans (oh look, I've already gone against the colour code), trying to fade away in the swarm of teenagers. I really don't want to see my parents, and not for the reasons you may think. I just... Don't want to. I hear bubbly laughter arupt from somewhere down the hall and I have to refrain from shooting myself. A girl with very long black hair and bright, silvery blue eyes is talking to Zack, a very nice guy who I barely know. I wonder if the laughter came from her, because she looks way too kick-ass to have such a girly laugh.

That's when I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I jump. But, unfortunately, it's just Frankie.

"That's Amy." Frankie says, filling in the blanks. "She used to go here, but then her parents pulled her out after a few months. She's Zack's girlfriend." I nod. Okay, so she's a girl who got out of here. She looks rich too, so maybe that's one of the reasons why she was able to get out early. I'm just your average, middle class citizen, so I wouldn't know.

The girl-Amy-and Zack pass us by, talking and smiling like any normal couple, and I have to stop the impulse to roll my eyes. Frankie is glancing around, looking for someone.

"Are your parents coming?" I ask him, because you never know.

Frankie shrugs. "Nah, they never come. But that's okay!" I frown. I always pictured Frankie to have parents who would never dream of skipping out on the oppurtunity to see him, but everyone has a story to tell. Frankie gives me a small wave before walking away, which only makes me frown more. That's out of character for Frankie, but he must have his reasons. I might ask him, but not today.

"Kellin!" I hear the screech before I see the person screeching. Oh fuck.

My mother practically runs over, crushing me in a hug. She's very, how should I put it, touchy-feely. When she pulls away, she's smiling warmly, even though I can see she is masking her guilt. My step-dad gives me a smile and I wave. I never knew my actual dad. Apparently he walked out once I came into the picture, so I've never met him. My step-dad came into my life when I was about four. He's a nice guy, and I have nothing against him. At least he's there.

"How are you, honey?" Mom asks, giving my shoulders a squeeze.

"I'm fine." I answer, like I always do. Mom nods, not saying anything else about the topic. For a few seconds, it's just awkward silence.

My step dad comes over and pats me on the shoulder. "School going good?"

I nod my head. It's just school. I'm actually really good at school, even though I don't really care for it. People are always shocked when I get over 90%. I don't really know what's so shocking about that, because can't I have secrets of my own? I'm smart, so what? I don't need the world to know.

My mom smiles. "That's very good." She glances around for a second. "Any guys?"

My parents are totally fine with me being gay. Actually, when I came out to them, my mother already figured it out on her own. They don't seem to care at all if I'm gay or not. They treat it like something that's so normal. Most parents would be a little bit uncomfortable for a while, but no, not them. They support me and they're not annoying about it.

Except for the fact that my mom seems to really want me to have a boyfriend and I honestly don't know why. Aren't mothers supposed to be against their children dating at 17? Maybe she thinks that having a boyfriend will cheer me up or something. Distract me from this so called goal I have. I highly doubt it.

"Zilch." I say, and we drop it.

My mother brushes at her pants, looking anywhere but me. This is where it gets awkward. In a few seconds, they'll leave because they've done enough "catching up". I patiently wait for that moment, hands on my pockets and forever silent.

"Oh my gosh, are you Kellin's parents?" The excited blur that is Frankie whooshes passed me. Now I'm seriously considering shooting myself. Frankie grins at my parents and gives them a wave, and my mother returns it with an equally big smile.

"Are you a friend of his?" My step dad asks, coming to stand beside my mother. I make a gesture for him to stop asking questions and to ignore Frankie, but he doesn't notice me. I sigh in exasperation, because I know that everything I try will turn out to be futile.

"Nope, he's not my friend." I say at the same time Frankie says, "Of course I'm his friend!"

Mom glances between the two of us, but settles on an answer. She smiles warmly, so I'm assuming that she settled on Frankie's answer. I mumble some choice words to myself, but she doesn't seem to catch them. 

"I'm Frankie!" Frankie says, thrusting his hand towards my mother, who gladly shakes it. My dad also does so, and I can see that he is pleased. I at least thought he would be on my side, but apparently not. 

"It's nice to meet you Frankie. I'm so glad Kellin has found himself a friend." My mother says cheerily, obviously connecting with the ever cheery Frankie. I want to throw myself out a window.

"Oh yes, I chose to be his friend." I say, but my mother and Frankie are too endorsed in their conversation. My step-dad shoots me a look, but evidently shrugs it off. I decide that my mom looks happy talking to Frankie; happy that her son has finally gotten himself a social life, even though it's a tiny one. I don't interupt them, but sit down in one of the chairs, observing their happy flow of chatter. It's nice to see my parents getting excited on Visiting Day.

My parents stayed for a lot longer than usual, and I have to admit, it was nice. I know Frankie had been constantly there, but he kept the mood lighthearted. It actually felt like Visiting Day, not just the day where my parents feel super guilty and leave. I almost felt a little down when they did leave, becacuse for once, it felt like any normal day with my parents. 

I walk back to my dorm, falling onto my bed. A smile is playing across my lips. Today was the first good day in a long while, and I'm grateful for that. Having constant bad days isn't good for me, but there really isn't anything I can do about them. They happen and I never want to deal with them. I just let them happen and watch them play out like a bystander at a soccer game. I'm just a passive viewer of my own life. 

I feel my phone vibrate against my leg. Once again, this freaks me out and I almost topple out of the bed. I check the message. It's from the same blocked number (I'm assuming it's the same) from last time, complete with a link to that website. I really don't want to click on it, considering last time, but I do. Once again, it's by an artist I don't know. 

I listen to the song. I end up listening to it on repeat.

***

(A/N: I was planning on making this chapter a lot longer, but I decided that it's been a while since I last updated and this was sort of meant to be a filler anyways. To be completely honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this mystery song link thing. I just sort of wrote it into the last chapter as a subplot without thinking it through, because that's how I roll. But I'm figuring it out, so no worries. I really hope I'll be able to update before I go to California next week. If I don't, then it will be a little longer than two weeks until my next update, so I'm sorry before hand. Just a heads up.)