Feel (Kellic)

Chapter 12

I'm so terrible at consistently updating, I'm sorry. I get so distracted with so many other things. I do try to prioritize my time. I'm really sorry for the long wait, I'll try to update as soon as possible. 

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Chapter 12

I wake up with a sour taste in my mouth. The past couple of days have moved by quickly. Things seem to be going smoothly with Vic, and Frankie is trying to lay off of my case. Though he's failing at that, I don't complain. Having someone who cares about how you're going about your life is something that I'm grateful for. As much as he pisses me off, I can't say anything against the guy.

But this morning feels wrong to me. It feels empty and cold, and I feel lonely. It's a helpless feeling that I don't want to feel again, but here I am feeling it. I'm getting angry at myself for even daring to make me feel this way again. I hate it. I stare at the ceiling above me and I imagine flames crawling along the ceiling, enough to fill myself with anger so that this empty feeling goes away. It won't.

I finally manage to drag myself out of bed. I thought that this week was going okay, that everything is fine. I convinced myself that it was. There's just something about this day. Something that is capable to make me feel like absolute shit.

I find my phone (which we're only allowed on weekends and in our dormitories), and turn it on. The time and the date flash before my eyes and I almost drop my phone. My hands start to tremble, so I hold onto the phone like it's my life line. How could I have forgotten?

Today is the day. The day when Hayley died. The day when I lost who I was along with her. Today is that day, and no wonder I feel the way I do. It's the reminder of how empty I actually am.

I guess I had been so distracted that I didn't notice that I had to try to avoid waking up to this day. I don't want to think about what happened on that day. I don't want to remind myself. I always catch myself thinking about it though. Sometimes I can't help thinking about it. I suppose it's a natural thing, to think about the one thing that ruined you over and over again. I want that natural instinct gone.

I place my phone back on my dresser and sit on my bed, staring at the wall. I can't go to class today. They must know about today anyways. They seem to know way too much about me. So I think they'll let me skip. Or at least just not attend class.

I take a deep breath. I have to go to Hayley's grave. It's a must. But who would be willing to take me? Miss. Snowdon is busy with teaching today, as with all the other teachers and staff. There's no one. They're all too busy to take me to her grave.

I can't walk there. I'd be walking for hours. But I don't want to steal any cars. Really, the only choice I have is to see if Miss. Snowdon is in fact free to drive me. You never know. It's worth a shot.

I get changed into something nice and casual. I want to at least look good today. If I can't feel good, then I need to look good. I pick out one of the only coloured articles of clothing I have. A red shirt.

After I change and go about my morning routine, I come out of my room into the empty hallways. I must have slept in; there's no one here. It doesn't sound like anybody is around, neither in the dorms or in the halls. They're obviously all in class, that's really not a question, but it still feels strange. That may just be me though. I feel off.

I make my way to the class rooms, searching for Miss. Snowdon's. If she's busy, then there's no way for me to go to the cemetery. Unless I steal a car. Which I really don't feel like doing. So I continue walking and I hope to whatever divine being is up there, that she is free and is willing to drive me.