Feel (Kellic)

Chapter 23

Exams are coming up, so this is kind of a shitty update. Oh well, what can you do.
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Chapter 23

"W-what?" I manage to say, taken aback by his question. He knows that I know? Impossible, I was so discreet about it. I never slipped up, did I?

"You heard me. How long have you known I'm dead?" He asks me again. Vic is asking it in the most casual way, as if my answer isn't going to be news to him. As if he genuinely wants to hear me say it even if he already knows.

"Dead? You? Pffft, no way. You're a living, breathing, human being." I say, not meeting his gaze. I'm looking everywhere but at him. I examine my shoes, his hand, my hand, the wall, anything that isn't the boy beside me.

"Kellin."

"Vic."

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Don't pull this bullshit."

"What bullshit?" I know exactly what bullshit he's talking about and I'm not going to stop avoiding the question. I am very stubborn anyways, so he can't easily break me.

"Alright, fine. Don't tell me." Vic says in a way that a mother would say it, the way that makes you feel guilty of a crime you never did and has you begging your mom to stop ignoring you. Then she'll look at you and say, "Not until you tell me first." And of course the criminal inside you is yelling at you to not give in, but the child part of you is just wanting your mother's attention, so you spill all your secrets out to her. That's what that one sentence makes me feel, and it's bugging me.

"You're an ass." I mutter, frustrated with this whole situation. My new boyfriend is practically interrogating me, even if it's in the most casual way possible. It's still not okay, and the only way I know how to end this interrogation is to tell him.

I sigh, "Fine, you win. I've known about your apparent deadness for a while now. I found these documents while looking for books to read."

Vic nods, "I definitely know which documents you're talking about."

"Right well, I didn't really think it was going to be you that died, but then it started to make sense. The whole no one really knowing you exist and all that kind of makes it obvious. Plus, your name was on it and there was your picture. So yeah, obvious."

"I did make it a little obvious, didn't I?" Vic asks while thinking back on it. I nod. It wasn't too shocking in the end, to be entirely honest. Yes, I was confused by it, shocked as well, but it made sense. It still does. Sort of.

"So... You are dead? Like, dead dead?" I ask. You never know really, he might not be and I might just be insane.

Vic nods, "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes Kellin. You were sure of it for the time that you knew, weren't you?" Vic looks over at me and I sigh.

"Well yeah. I thought I was going insane though. I felt like I was crazy and I was the only one who could see you. Like you were my imagination. But then Frankie found out about you, he told me he can see you, so that confused me. Davis can see you, my parents saw you. So what does that mean? Doesn't that mean I'm not crazy? Or that I am?"

Vic squeezes my hand. I just now remember that we're still holding hands. "You're thinking too much." He says.

"Well help me then." I huff, but it's half hearted. Vic sighs, taking a moment to think.

"Honestly, I don't know." He tells me, "I don't know why other people can see me. But what I do know is that I'm not your stereotypical ghost. If that's even what I am."

I nod, taking that bit of information in. For some odd reason, I don't believe him when he said that he doesn't know. The way he said it makes me think that he's hiding something. Something big that he can't tell me because he's sworn to secrecy. I frown, not liking that I might be being lied to by him, but I decide not to bring it up. It's best if I don't. We've talked about too much stuff that's making my head hurt, and anything else will make my mind explode.

"So like... Being dead. How's that?" I ask, trying to make the conversation less serious. I'm a serious person, so this is difficult for me to do, but I'll at least try. I really don't want to think too much right now.

Vic shrugs, "Nothing different. Except for the fact that I don't age and it's really weird knowing my body is rotting 6 feet underground. I mean, it must be better for the people who aren't stuck on earth as a ghost, spirit, thing. They must have it great. I wouldn't know."

"Do you want to be in a better place?"

"Yeah."

"So why aren't you?"

"All I know is that it must be because of my past. I'm a bad person."

"I beg to differ."

"Of course you do."

"No seriously. I'll debate about it with you." I offer, only half serious about it. Any other day I would love to debate about whether Vic is a bad person or not, but today has been so weird that I just want to pass out.

"Let's just not." He says and I sigh. I want to agree with him, but I'm convinced that he's a good person. But then again, I don't want to start a whole debate right now.

"You should probably go sleep, Kells." Vic tells me.

"I already slept." I should sleep though.

"Didn't you have a nightmare?"

"Yeah."

"Exactly. And, you look exhausted. You need a proper sleep." Vic says and I nod. I know I do. Today has been weird as fuck, so the only good option right now is to sleep.

"Fine." I say.

"Are you actually agreeing with something I suggested?" Vic says with a shocked expression.

"Yes okay, don't let that get to your head." I tell him while letting go of his hand and getting up. We're still in the tree house, which means a walk back to the school is required.

"Do you mind if I stay here?" Vic asks me as I make my way to the trapdoor so I can climb down the ladder.

"Yeah, do whatever you want. Plus, you don't like being in the school often, do you?"

Vic shakes his head, "It's not the ideal place to be."

"Exactly. So I'll see you later." I open the trap door and stop myself before I go down the ladder. I run back to Vic, kiss him on the cheek quickly, and run away. I'm at the trapdoor again and I drop down onto the ladder, climbing down. Once my feet hit the ground and I'm back on the steady earth, I walk back down the path to the school. I step over the roots that protrude from the ground, almost falling over them a few times. My clumsiness is especially prominent today.

The fact that I have a boyfriend now, a dead boyfriend, is just starting to hit me. I stop in my tracks, furrowing my eyebrows. I'm willingly going out with a boy and he's willingly going out with me. That's so weird... I didn't think it would happen this fast either. Not that it was fast. It's just fast for me because I've never even liked a boy.

That's when I start laughing. It's not even normal laughter. It's maniacal, crazy. Oh my god, I'm insane. I can't stop laughing though. It's just pouring out of me, making my sides hurt and my head want to explode. If I collapse here and die of laughter, then I think that would be a very good way to die.

For what seems like hours, I just stand here laughing. It hurts, a lot, but I don't even care. I can't stop. When I do though, the world seems even more quiet than it was before. Like it stopped working. It's almost like someone forgot to replace the batteries in the world and pushed it under their bed, leaving it there. It isn't working and it never will.

I walk back to the school in silence. Yet it's the most violent silence I've ever witnessed.