The cold of the floor numbs Logan's body. The only warmth she feels is from Reynolds. At this moment, he seems to be the only one that understands her. Maddie still searches their mind for a way they can relate to Logan.
Maddie can't relate to being skinny, but they can relate to being alone, unwanted, and feeling inadequate. It was good to have Reynolds in Spase, for both Logan and Maddie's cases. Dogs don't care about guts, sagging skin, stretch marks, or cellulite. Somehow, even when they do not speak the same language, they understand what's inside of a person.
Even with Logan's eyes closed, somehow tears are still running down her face. Maddie gently touches Logan's shoulder, startling her.
"I know you feel alone and like you can never make anyone else happy," Maddie empathizes. "I've been there too."
Logan stares back at them and sniffles. "I don't understand how you think you could get me." The moment that the words came pouring out of Logan's mouth like lava from an erupting volcano, unstoppable, Maddie's face turns sour. They pull back their hand from their shoulder. Maddie stands up.
"Why, because I'm not fucking skinny like you? Because I'm fat? What, do you think that I'm in some way, 'perfect' and have no issues in my life? I have freaking issues too, you know? Even Parker has issues," Maddie said, erupting like that same volcano. Maddie waves a hand in Parker's direction in order to acknowledge her.
"Woah, now don't bring me into this!" Parker shouts, throwing up her hands. "I have nothing to do with your conversation! I just want to see this for myself."
"See what?" Maddie says.
"See you do your thing. Nick even told me that you couldn't actually transition people. It told me you're a scam, and you'd be traveling with that mutt with your false freaking lies, saying you could actually 'help' people... acting like you give a shit about them," Parker replies.
"And you actually believe him? You don't know him. And honestly, I'm beginning to think that he doesn't know me or what I'm capable of," Maddie proclaims.
Maddie and Parker are standing face-to-face. Logan sits, not saying a word. Maddie turns back to Logan and locks eyes with hers. Logan still can't muster the motivation to move from the fetal position on the floor.
"Look, I feel you. You might not think that I understand because I'm fat as hell, but I know what it feels like to not be accepted. I'm just one big fucking disappointment to my dad and I have, like, two real friends," Maddie says, looking at Logan. Maddie glances at Parker. "Honestly, from the looks of it, probably just one."
Maddie walks over to the sink and begins to wash their hands. Eventually, they look back at Logan.
"You know I actually get beat up at school by a guy," Maddie admits under their breath.
Slowly, Logan wipes her face and sits up. "What do you mean by 'a guy'?" Logan says, questioning Maddie.
"I mean a freaking guy, like a boy, male, whatever you want to call him," Maddie says sarcastically.
"You mean a fucking jerk," Parker interrupts. Both Maddie and Logan look toward Parker as she shrugs.
"Look, we all have our issues and people not thinking we're good enough. I don't necessarily know what Parker's deal is, but I know probably only a few people in the universe that really get me and sometimes. I don't even know if I get me fully," Maddie lectures. "You can't keep thinking that you're not good enough just because some asshole won't date you and some girls won't hang out with you if you're not a size two. If they don't like you for you, like, the inside you, screw 'um."
Logan starts to wail. She lies back on the tile in the same position that she was in before. Maddie crouches and runs their fingers across Logan's forehead, rubbing into her hair.
"Let go," Maddie whispers. "You're perfect through your imperfections. It's what makes us human and special. We all crave to be models, but we're just us. Normal. And that's okay too."
A spark lights up inside Logan's chest. A warm sensation begins in her breast and spreads throughout her body. Maddie continues talking to Logan, gently caressing her head.
Logan remembers her mother rubbing her head her last night in the hospital and singing her a song. Maddie, unaware of everything but somehow knowing everything, starts to sing that same song. Logan's mind finds her Mom.
You are my sunshine... my only sunshine... you make me happy when skies...
Logan smiles a hint of a smile as she fades from Spase.
YOU ARE READING
SPASE
FantasíaSeventeen-year-old non-binary artist, Maddie, wrestles their own personal demons every day: an alcoholic father, a dead mother, bullies, and their impending future. They have their friends, Nick and Melissa, for support but something is still missin...
