SPASE

SPASE: CHAPTER NINE

It's the smell of lilacs and fresh-baked biscuits straight out of the oven. Maddie's mind thinks of opening their eyes to see Momma's face. Lying there, Maddie imagines when the lilac bushes bloomed every May, how she would cut the flowers and place them in mason jars around our kitchen and bake fresh biscuits from scratch, leaving trails of flour across the kitchen. She always tried to make their double wide look like it was from out of a picture in one of those HGTV magazines: fancy and country. She made the house look as well as she could until she couldn't and died. They had tried to get the funeral director to have the room full of them at her funeral, but they were way too expensive to get in December. The following spring, Frank had cut and removed all of the lilac bushes in their yard. It was too hard for him to look at. Maddie figures they wouldn't ever come back again, just like her.

Maddie saviors the smell, wishing they were back in a world where Momma existed. They feel the coolness of grass between their thighs. Its dew trickles across their lips, as though they have been there a long time. Maddie opens their eyes and sits up. Pine trees outline a field of tall, mammoth sunflowers. The flowers go on forever. It is dusk and the last part of the sun has set. The sky remains a purplish-blue hue and stars poke through the clouds. Fireflies dance throughout the field, lingering near Maddie's toes, tickling them. As Maddie looks at them, they notice they don't have any shoes on or pants for that matter. Maddie's skin feels cool against a sleek, long-sleeved yellow dress that's cut off at around the knees. A pair of black combat boots sit next to them. Maddie bends down and gently slides their feet into the boots. They fit perfectly. After lacing them, Maddie's mind flashes back to Big Burly Betsy and the precise stitching in her sunshine-colored dress and feels the stitches along the seams of those same seams along with their own dress. Maddie hears the squeaking of their leather boots as they rub together as they stand up. Surprisingly, Maddie is comfortable in their skin. Their eyes gaze upward as the soft croaking of tree frogs sound off in the trees.

Even though Maddie has absolutely no clue where they are or why they are wearing a dress, (of all things), Maddie feels a sense of calm and comfort. They feel soothed as if their mother is embracing them and singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Tears stream down Maddie's face; not in sadness, but out of purely being overwhelmed by being in awe.

"What the fuck? Why do I feel this way? What's happening!" Maddie whispers on the inside.

***

An overwhelming sinking feeling in Maddie's gut pulls them out of themselves and hurls them somewhere else. It's a rollercoaster feeling, free-falling down the first hill. Their new surroundings are cold, stagnant. They open their eyes and see themselves lying on a hospital bed. Maddie's soul stands stiff. Mrs. P walks in and Maddie screams in horror.

"Mrs. P! It's me! Hello?" Maddie yells, frantic.

Blood thumps in Maddie's ears.

Maddie's breath is gone. Maddie's feelings are gone. Maddie swallows their heart and feels like they are going to throw it up. Maddie's mouth becomes dry and tears start to roll down their cheeks. Maddie's mouth gapes open.

"Maddie, honey, it's me; Mrs. P. I'm here for you, honey, but you have to be strong and pull through this. I really don't know if you can hear me or not, but they said to talk to you just like as if you were sitting here face to face with me. Well, I know that if you were sitting here, awake, you'd probably say some snarky comment about that and I'd tell you to watch your mouth and be careful, but honestly, I think your situation calls for some leeway," Mrs. P says as she lets out a tiny chuckle. "Moral of the story is, you need to wake up. I know you have it in you and the world deserves to see that art of yours. I know that you sent your portfolio to RISD and..."
Maddie stands frozen. Stronger than before, but the gut feeling came strong again, hurling Maddie back. Back to the place they didn't know.