SPASE

SPASE: CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

"Holy fuck... you did it! You actually freaking did it!" Parker cries as Logan fades away. "Nick has no idea does he?"

Reynolds and Maddie stare at each other and then back at me. It's as if it's a given. Of course, Nick has no idea.

That's Nick's game plan in the first place; to sabotage Maddie's journey, trapping them in Spase forever.

"He's never seen what I have," Maddie states as they come to their feet and walk toward Parker. "He doesn't believe that a person like me would actually be the Guide. I didn't believe it at first either so..."

Anxiously, Parker bites her nails to the point a few have started bleeding.

"What's your story?" Maddie asks. "You're always so angry and pissed off. Why did you run?"

"Why did I run? I'm trying to make it home. Fix my mistake. The pressure made me fuck up. The pressure to be perfect and everyone's everything all at the same time. They say diamonds are made under pressure. That's what Momma always said, but I'm starting to think that's not always the case," Parker admits. "I'm trying to make it back to fix the shit that I've done wrong."

Maddie and Reynolds stand frozen.

"And I'm not fucking angry. I just don't like liars and I don't like people getting in my way," Parker explains.

Reynolds slowly gets up and walks toward Parker, finding a spot next to her where he can rub his body up against her thigh like a cat. Parker reaches out to pet Reynolds, but instead brushes the side of his jowls against her hand and leaves a nice slimy trail of slobber. Maddie can tell his bones ache and it's not easy for him to get up.

Maddie and Reynolds lock eyes. It's like they can hear each other. Parker wonders if that's even in any way possible considering that he's a dog, but Maddie is the Guide.

Maddie reaches out for Parker's hand. "You can't take back what you've done in that life, but you can move on to the next and not make that mistake again," Maddie whispers. "You can move on." Maddie's confident in their words.

Parker furrows her eyebrows and steps away from Maddie.

"I don't want to fucking move on! I want to go back," Parker screams, crying between words. The anger that she swallows erupts from her mouth and slithers off of her tongue. "I want to go back! I have to show them I'm ready. I don't want to start over again."

Maddie crinkles their face as they look at her. "What do you mean 'ready'? Ready for what?"

Parker hesitates. "I'm ready to be perfect now. Perfect for them. Ready to join the Navy. Ready to not fucking chicken out. Ready to not freeze under the pressure. I'm ready..."

"Woah woah woah..." Maddie interrupts. "Being perfect isn't a human quality." Maddie turns and glances at Reynolds, who makes eye contact and nods. "No one's perfect. Not on the outside or inside. We can only be who we already are. Diamonds might be made under pressure, but those are diamonds... we're not freaking diamonds. Let go of it."

"Let go of what?" Parker says in defense and begins to walk toward Maddie, who is still standing by the sink.

"The idea of being perfect. It causes too much stress and anxiety. Too much sadness. Move on. Let go of it."

Tears flow from both of Parker's eyes, cascading down her cheeks and create a wet spot on her sweatshirt.

"I just want to fucking go home!" Parker whines.

"I know how you feel you know," Maddie empathizes."My dad rejects me. I don't exist to him because I'm an embarrassment. I don't have to worry about fucking anything up because, in his eyes, I'm responsible for all things that go wrong."

Parker stops and plops on the white, tile floor and waits for something... anything. Maddie sits next to her and continues to talk about how she can relate. While it might not be the same pressure situation, each of their parents tried to make them into something they aren't. In Parker's case, perfect at everything, including giving her life away to the military, being the perfect student, having the perfect figure, and blah, blah, blah. In Maddie's, they try so hard to keep their friends that they would bring themselves down if that meant keeping them.

Like eating hot tomato soup on a cold day, a warmth begins to flood Parker's stomach. Maddie feels it in theirs too. The air shifts. Something changes.

Through the shift, Parker hears Maddie's final words, "I know you don't like me, trust me, or even care for me. I know you want to go back, apologize, and live again. This is your chance. This is your chance for a fresh start. This time instead of running, take it. Jump."

Parker and Maddie feel the warmth in their throats. Jump is exactly what Parker does.