SPASE

SPASE: CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Melissa strokes Maddie's lifeless arm with her long fingernails. While Maddie's body seems lifeless, they are very much alive, feeling every inch of Melissa's touch. Melissa's eyes are puffy from lack of sleep and red from her crying. One is black as if she was punched. Her tears fall in rhythm with the beep beep beep of the heart monitor. There is low music playing that mimics the elevator music one hears while they wait to get off on their floor. All Melissa can do is continue the rhythmic motion of caressing Maddie's right arm as they sleep. Maddie wants nothing more than to use their hand to touch her. Their mind races, thinking of all of the different places they would touch her if only they could. Melissa's mind is empty, but full at the same time. There are too many "what-ifs" and thoughts scampering through all of the crevices of her mind. She can't concentrate on any one thing. There is too much commotion from all of the questions...

What if they never wake up?

Will they remember me if they do?

Will they be them again?

Melissa's list of questions is infinite. Maddie holds a list of similar questions, but they are more concerned with being able to voice them. One question lingers as the elephant in the room; will they ever wake up again?

Melissa doesn't ever leave. She has to be told when it's time to leave Maddie's room. Maddie notices her presence, even the smell of her hair and the warmth of her skin. Maddie feels an emptiness in their stomach as they fathom not being able to reach Melissa, afraid they'll be stuck in the world of Spase forever.

The door creaks open and a short and stubby nurse walks in and smiles at Melissa.

"You should really get some rest, dear. She's not going anywhere."

Melissa snaps back. "You mean, they aren't going anywhere."

The nurse nods to Melissa with a confused look on her face but is too polite to say anything back. She checks the beeping monitor and the IV bag. She nods again, hesitant to make eye contact with Melissa again.

"I bet she was afraid Melissa was going to snap at her again," thinks Maddie.

Nurses frequently come in to check vitals and turn Maddie' body, so they don't get bed sores. Melissa talks to Maddie just as if they can hear her.

What Melissa doesn't understand is that they can.

As uncomfortable as it is to ghost back and forth, Maddie finds it worth it to hear Melissa's raspy voice, even if they cannot always control when they do it. It isn't high-pitched or like nails on a chalkboard, but strong, bold, forceful... just as she is.

Being thrown back into their body, Maddie feels Melissa's touch and hears the constant beeping.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Maddie sees everything. They feel the emptiness at the pit of Melissa's stomach: a hunger. The hunger for Maddie's company. The longing to be touched.

Maddie attempts to whisper, "Take a break. Go get food, Mel. I'm not going anywhere. Fuck, I can't go anywhere."

Even though Maddie has been thrown back into their body from Spase, they can't make their body wake up, their eyes open, their hand grasp Melissa's in return. They see from the outside in. Their mind might be awake, but their body is very much asleep and stuck in a realm no one can reach.

Unless they die.

Their father doesn't come. He's absent like he has been for the majority of their life.

Melissa wakes up from a nothingness daze and turns an ear to the open door. Maddie notices Melissa listening. Even though the door is wide open, doctors and nurses whisper as if no one can hear. Inaudible, Maddie scoffs.The chatter makes Mel's ears stand at attention, just as a Labradors' ears would perk up at the sound of a chip bag being crinkled. Melissa stops stroking Maddie's arm.

"Wait, don't stop," Maddie thinks.

Melissa hears more chatter. Then, the words that no one ever wants to hear. A male's voice, the doctor, speaks.

"Even if they do wake up, they're going to have to think about the reality of what they can do and what's possible. If they had their eyes set on college, they need to think about making it through high school first, that should be..."

Maddie hears the words and their heart sinks. Maddie screams, "Say something! Anything! Stick up for me! What right do they have to judge what the fuck I'm going to do with my life? Say something!"

Only they aren't heard.

The scooting metal of a chair being moved across the floor interrupts Maddie's thought. Melissa is up with a fire in her belly and bursts out of the open door.

Maddie couldn't see what happened next. They couldn't see faces, but only hear voices.

"How fuckin' dare you!"

"Miss, I don't know who you are, but this is a conversation that I should be having with their fa---"

"Their goddamn 'father' is a drunk asshole that you won't likely ever see show up here. He doesn't give a fuck, hell, he's probably feeling lucky right about now because he can go off on a bender and not have to worry about getting in trouble for them being home alone. The point is, you have no right saying what Mad will be able to accomplish when they wake up! They can..."

Maddie hears footsteps and then the doctor interjects.

"Miss, we've been monitoring them closely and at this point, and they have been in a coma for around two weeks. They might have brainwaves, but they've fractured their second cervical vertebra, which is up near the base of their neck. Because of this fracture and the trauma sustained to their head, they have been bleeding in the frontal lobe of their brain and their cerebellum. If they wake up... if... they will need months of rehabilitation to learn motor skills like writing, walking, talking, etcetera. We will be here to support---"

Maddie hears the sound of Mel stamping her foot to the ceramic tile. Maddie can hear the tears through her crackling voice.

"Support? Support? How can you even say that when you already predicted that they would wake up a fucking vegetable and not able to function? 'If they wake up' my ass! They're going to wake up and when they do, they're going to prove to you assholes that they can accomplish anything. They're kind, brave, and a fighter! How dare you think that they are anything less!"

Maddie feels a sudden pull in their stomach.

They're gone again...