SPASE

AFTER: CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

THREE MONTHS LATER

The sweet smell of graduation still lingers in the air. Melissa and Maddie stand in the semicircle driveway as if they are waiting for something. They embrace each other, speaking sweet nothings and laughing. Maddie stands tall with their left hand grasping their cane. Maddie swiftly slaps Melissa in the butt and grabs it.

"Go get 'um, tiger! That produce ain't gonna stock itself!" Maddie shouts at Melissa.

"Hey now, that's my property. My ass, kid. Watch yourself!" Melissa jokes. Melissa kisses Maddie sweetly on the cheek, leaving a hint of her chapstick behind. "I'm going to get you back later, just you wait." Melissa gives a wink as she lets the embrace fall and climbs in her rusty, Chevy Cavalier that she had gotten for a graduation present from her grandmother. She pulls out of the driveway in a flash. Maddie wonders how a gift could come with that much rust, but to Melissa, it doesn't matter. A car, no matter how many miles or how much rust, equals freedom. That is the freedom that allowed Melissa to get a summer job at Brother's Market stocking produce. That freedom is also going to drive them halfway across the country to Rhode Island when the summer days have passed.

"Ya gonna get goin', kid?" Frank asks as he stands in the doorway. "I've got a meetin' in about twenty. Did you want to head into town with me? You could always go to the library and do some of your art while I'm in the meeting. Ya need to get out of the house more."

Maddie rolls their eyes and speaks. "I get out of the house plenty. I went back to that school and graduated, didn't I? I even took all of the shit from Greg and his gang of assholes for having a walker? That proves that I get out. Besides, I got this now." They hold up their cane. "I can just wack 'um now!"

Frank lets out a boisterous laugh. "Oh, ya gonna give the saying 'raisin' cane' a whole new meaning." He continues to laugh.

"I think I'm going to take a walk. That will include me getting out of the house and you off of my ass, won't it?" Maddie shouts, letting a bit of their newfound attitude go.

"It does! Be careful," Frank replies, laughing. "I don't want to get a phone call from them there cops tellin' me to come and get your ass out of jail for beatin' someone with that there cane. Ya hear?"

"Very funny! Besides, I don't think anyone is going to run over me or mess with a person with a cane. I could do some serious damage, you know?" Maddie says laughing back.

"Oh, do I know it!" Frank says as he shuts the front door, walks to his car, and pulls out of the driveway.

Maddie looks to the end of the driveway. They take their time walking to the end of the driveway and peers down the road; first to the left and then to the right. The road is quiet, safe, with no cars. Maddie contemplates if they actually feel like going for a walk or not. Honestly, Maddie feels lazy, tired, and like fibbing to Frank and Melissa and just saying that they went. But then, that wouldn't be honest.

Maddie starts walking, kicking the gravel on the side of the road along the way. Their eyes fix on their walker, which drags the gravel even further. They wonder how long they will have to have the walker. A month? A few months? A year? Forever? Their future is full of "what ifs" and possibilities. They think what Big Burly Betsy would do. What would the Guide do?

They stop walking along the side of the road and close their eyes, trying to visualize themselves in Spase. Spase; the world, the in-between, the limbo that will never leave, but always is a part of them.

They imagine Nick, alone, at the bar, wasting away thinking of the "what ifs" of his future.

Their mind reached Eli, the little boy who thought he couldn't ever do enough. Does he feel good enough now? They feel a sense of warmth. They know he is loved wherever he is.

Their mind reaches Maleki. Did he ever forgive? Did he take that burden with him? Their heart feels full.

Their mind reaches Parker and Logan, the girls that never wanted to transition, but go back in time and fix the mistakes that they made. Maddie feels in their soul they have both found their new place.

Then, there's Tyrell... Maddie thinks about him and feels him among the stars, bold and beautiful.

"Thank you," Maddie whispers, hoping that somewhere somehow he'll hear and feel their love.

"Reyn..." Maddie stops walking and whispers. Through closed eyes, they could feel him leaning against their leg.

Along the side of the dirt, country road, Maddie stands frozen. Only the occasional mooing of their neighbors' nearby cows fill the air, along with their stench. It's a stench that, while annoying and disgusting to most, reminds Maddie of home. A place they once resented, but now grown to appreciate.

The bright summer sun warms their face as they tilt it up to meet it. They open their eyes, letting newly formed tears fall when they hear something whimpering from across the road.

Not something. Someone.

Maddie lets go of their cane and limps as they walk to search for the origin of the sound. They look both ways as they cross the road to look into the drainage ditch.

A closed, cardboard box sits in the ditch. Maddie looks around, but nothing but fields of corn and cows are in sight for miles. Carefully, Maddie sits in the grassy ditch and scoots toward the box. Cautiously, they open it.

Leaping from the box and into Maddie's lap is the smallest Basset Hound they have ever seen. The puppy smothers Maddie with kisses as they try to yank the dog off of their face.

"Holy guacamole! Stop!" Maddie shouts, laughing harder than they have in a long time. They look into the dogs' eyes as the dog's long, velvety ears lay limp to the sides of his face. They have seen these eyes before.

They are Reynolds' eyes.

"Let's go home," Maddie whispers, allowing the dog to lick their face. They hug them tight.

"I've really missed you," Maddie admits to the dog. "I knew you were coming."

Leaning on their hands to steady themselves, they crawl up the ditch and to the side of the road. The puppy follows.

Feeling a warmth they haven't felt since Spase, Maddie walks home with the help of their cane with a new guide in toe.