Avengers Oneshots

Allience Part 2

It had been a long week for Loki and was about to get even longer if this meeting wasn't going to come to an end anytime soon. Seriously, what 'casual meeting' goes for 2 hours on end?!? Oh, that's right. S.H.E.I.L.D.'s meetings do. It wasn't even an important meeting, just talking about what would happen if I betrayed their trust Yada Yada. I'd been through it all before.

If only I had someone come save me from dying of boredom. Someone like...

Wait... that's it! I am actually an idiot! All I have to do is...

Loki whipped out his phone and proceeded to text Wade Wilson.

Mischief Managed: Wade, get over here and help me!

Deadpool: Do I have to?

Mischief Managed: Yes, you mildewing quim.

Deadpool: Fine, I guess I could. Where are you?

Mischief Managed: In the middle of a meeting at S.H.I.E.L.D.

Deadpool: Oh, you really do need saving, don't you? Give me a minute.

Loki began to count down the seconds until he was saved by his friend under his breath. When he got to 1, none other than Wade Wilson jumped through the glass window, effectively breaking it.

"Perfect timing Wilson, I was perfectly bored out of my mind."
"Do you mean bored (language)?"

"Language," Captain America replied to that statement, standing up from his seat.

"Ohhh, who do we have here, hey? I will fanboy over this later. I'm sure the Wattpad readers are all wondering when Spider-Man comes into this all, aren't you? Well guess what? You are all right on time. Now, don't get the flex tape out yet or you will all be screaming and yelling and (language), probably calling the forth wall company to come and get me again. Please don't call up, they are all (language) boring. Please, let us continue the story."

"Are they friends?" Fury asked to nobody in particular.

"Yes, I believe that they are sir," Maria replied.

Fury shock his head, placing it in his hands. "This is a convincing reason to take time off. Or retire. Whatever works."

{Time Skip Brought To You By None Other Than Deadpool Himself}

Wade and Loki eventually made their way back to the living room of the Avengers Tower, making comments about literally everything as they went. When they entered the room, though, they were surprised to find that it was already occupied by... a teenager?

"Hey, kid? Aren't you supposed to be at school or some (language)? Or are you skipping? Cause if it is that then I am (language) proud of you kid," Wade questioned.
"Umm... sir? Don't you know better than to swear in front of a minor? You could damage my innocence for good," the kid stated whilst turning in his chair. "Also, no. It's Saturday. School's not in today."
"Wait... *le gasp*! Are you Tom Holland?"
"No... I'm Peterman. Wait, no. S- Peter Parker."
"Well, you got there eventually. I swear I always mess you two up. Meh, whatever."

Wade shrugged and made his way into the kitchen area. He reached for the Poptarts, only to find the box empty. So, he did the only logical thing that he could think of. "This (language) empty."
He heard "Yeet" being yelled by two different voices from the living room. He was impressed.

He heard his phone ringing and fished it out of one of his various pockets to answer it. When he saw the contact, he screamed out many different swear words from various different languages. What it said on the screen was Forth Wall Company; he did not have enough money to bail himself out again.

Then, he made his way to the living room and turned around to face the hidden camera in the room. "Hey guys. I told you that you should probably wait until later, didn't I? Well, someone decided not to wait. I'm looking directly at you author. I know for a (language) fact that it was you who called. Well, looks like I'll have to unalive some extra (language) bad people this week to gain some more money. Thanks."

"Wait, are you in The Office or something? That is so cool. I've always wanted to break to Forth Wall but never knew how. Can you teach me, sir? Please," Peter asked, doing his puppy eyes just for extra persuasion.
"Kid, you really don't want to be tied up by the Forth Wall Squad or whatever the (language) they are deciding to call themselves these days. You really don't want that. I want to protect you and am a voluntary member of the PPPS so... it is kinda my job today to say no. Sorry."

Loki then decided to make that the best time to rip off Wade's mask and reveal the true him. Peter, though, didn't look the tiniest bit scared or any other negative emotion in any way, shape or form. All he said was "you may look like a burnt chicken nugget but you should still know to love yourself."

Loki and Wade were both... shocked to say the least. They both started fighting about who would adopt him right there on the spot because he was "to adorable and needs to be protected for the sake of humanity."

"Sorry to burst your bubble but he is my kid," Tony noted, waltzing into the room like he owned the world which, honestly, wouldn't surprise anyone at this point.

"Well, not for long Stark. Now, I really have to go unalive some people soo... see ya later. Peace." And with that, Wade jumped out of the window earning a few 'no's from Loki and Peter. He could be heard cussing his life away from the ground 90-something floors down and seen a few minutes later running off, mask pulled over his face.

"He is so weird."
"Yeah, he his," Loki agreed. "But he is my friend nonetheless."