Ghost of a Smile

I Never Hated You

Lynn was laying in her bed back in her own room staring up at the ceiling. She was thinking about that night her and Lucy fought. She couldn't remember what they were talking about that led to the shoving. All she remembered about that night was accidentally pushing Lucy out the window.

"Hey Luce?" Lynn asked quietly hoping the young goth was awake.

"Yes?" Lucy responded in a whisper, but loud enough that Lynn could hear her. "What is it?"

Lynn took a deep breath. "I was thinking about that night, ya know, when I shoved you."

"I recall."

"What caused that? I kinda don't remember. I think I blacked out."

She heard Lucy shift in her bed, but it was too dark to tell if the goth rolled to face the wall or her sister. Lynn turned her head to Lucy's bed keeping her back straight, her hands gripping her tennis ball restlessly. She squinted trying to make out her sister's shadowy figure in the darkness.

"I guess I set you off." Lucy muttered. "I wasn't trying too."

"Oh.. You know I was really sorry about that, Luce. I never meant to shove so hard that you'd lose your balance and fall out the window."

"Sigh."

"I guess I snapped, but I could have seriously hurt you and that is not okay. I love you, Lucy. I'd never want to hurt you or see you hurt." Lynn twisted her ball in her hands. "When I saw you hurting yourself I wanted to talk to you about it. I wanted to say something, something to comfort you, but I thought you hated me and-" Lynn groaned and tossed her ball against the wall then she caught it and tossed it again. "I couldn't make any words come out."

"I-I thought you were angry or disappointed in me.. Sigh.. I thought you hated me. You didn't say anything and could barely look at me while you were putting bandaids on my cuts.. I'm sorry."

Lynn repeated her ball throwing process to beat off her nerves. "I should have said something, but I froze then my body just kind of went into autopilot. You were hurting yourself and I was scared, but I should have done something or said something.. I failed you."

*THUMP*

"Sigh."

*THUMP*

"Sigh."

*THUMP*

"Sigh."

*THUMP*

"Sigh.. You didn't fail."

"Yeah I did." Lynn caught the ball and squeezed it in her fist. "Twice. I failed you when I let you shut me out and I failed you when I saw you hurting, bleeding, and I did nothing." She threw the ball harder making it ricochet off the wall at an angle and fly to Lucy.

"Ow." Lucy deadpanned rubbing her head in the darkness.

Lynn jumped up and turned on her hockey lamp. "I'm so sorry Luce! It was an accident!" She yelled rushing over to her little sister. "I didn't mean to hit you!"

Lucy chuckled. "Ha ha. I know. Calm down." She sighed without saying the word. "Lynn, it's okay. I know the ball was an accident and I know the window was an accident. I don't hate you."

Lynn sighed in relief. "I know, but I don't like seeing you hurt."

"Sigh." Lucy hung her head. "I'm sorry I set you off and said I hated you. I never hated you. I was just upset because-" Lucy cut herself off and turned away from Lynn.

Lynn put her hand on Lucy's shoulder to make the girl look at her again. "What is it, Luce? Tell me. I know I didn't listen that night, but I'm listening now."

"Sigh.. I was upset because you called me what everyone in school always calls me." She frowned. "A creepy, vampire loving, freak."

Lynn frowned. "I'm sorry, Luce. I shouldn't have said that, but you know I say it with love. I know who you are and I accept you and I love you no matter what." She pulled her little sister into a hug.

"Sigh.. I know, but when I asked you what you would do if I called you a freak and you said that I had no room to talk because I was the freak.. It hurt my feelings."

Lynn gaped at her sister as the memories of that night flashed in her mind making her feel guilty.

"Lynn.. Can I talk to you?"

"Almost done, Luce." Lynn said while lowering herself to the floor with her forearms. "800. Done." She jumped up from the floor and grabbed her towel to wipe her sweat. "Okay, all finished with my nightly routine. What's up?"

"You just did 800 push-ups?"

Lynn grinned. "I could do more, but I don't want to wear my body out too much before bed. I wanna be fit, not exhausted." She chuckled.

"I recall a time when you didn't know how to pace yourself."

"Yeah, but I'm getting better." Lynn hung the towel around her neck. "So what you wanna talk about?"

"What would you do if I called you a freak?" Lucy asked shyly.

Lynn scoffed. "Am I freak?! You are the spookiest, creepiest, vampire loving little freak I've ever met!"

Lucy frowned. "You think that too? That I'm a freak?" She tried not to let any tears slip down her face.

"Are you kidding?! You're like the definition of a freak!" Lynn scoffed.

Lucy started to get upset. "Well.. you're an obsessive, always has to win, gym maniac who has a fear of failure!" She insulted her sister.

Lynn guffawed. "I do not have a fear of failure! Take that back!" She snapped pushing Lucy backwards.

"Don't touch me." Lucy said with a dead serious tone. "I'm not taking it back. You fear failure like Leni fears spiders." She stated.

Lynn pushed her again a little bit harder. "I fear nothing! Take it back or I'll put you in a headlock!"

"Touch me again and I'll push you." Lucy warned making Lynn laugh.

"You think you can beat me?!" Lynn shoved Lucy even harder making Lucy lose her balance and fall out the window. Lynn's eyes widened when she realized what she had done and she quickly grabbed Lucy's legs that were bent over, hanging off the windowsill. "Lucy!"

The Loud kids rushed from their bedrooms to the room of the fighting sisters to see what all the commotion was about and saw their sister Lynn holding Lucy's legs. Her foot pressed up against the bed post of the goth girl's bed so she wouldn't slip out with her.

"Lynn!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"What happened?!"

"Hurry! Help me pull her up!"

"Come on dudes!"

"Let's not just 'hang' around!"

They pulled Lucy in and sat her down on her bed. Lori and Leni sat on either side of her rubbing her back to comfort her. Leni picked up three year old Lily to kiss Lucy's head when she said she felt dizzy.

"Bollocks! What the heck happened?!" Luna yelled.

"I-I-" Lynn gulped. "I shoved her and- and she fell out the window."

Luan chuckled. "That must have been a 'pane'." She laughed then narrowed her eyes at Lynn. "But seriously you should apologize."

Lynn gulped. "I-I-I'm really sorry Luce! It was an accident! I didn't mean to shove you so hard!"

"Sigh." Lucy rubbed her head. "I'm tired. Will you all please leave."

The siblings frowned, but nodded. They figured they could talk about it in the morning. Little did they know Lucy would shut them all out after that and barely talk to them.

"So, uh, are we okay, Luce?"

Lucy glared at Lynn. "I hate you."

Lynn felt an ache in her chest.