Ghost of a Smile

I Don't Want To Be A Burden

"Your siblings are really cool, even if they are uncomfortably loud."

Lucy nodded. "I know. One tends to find comfort in chaos with a big family like this." She stated wisely.

"Even though I don't care much for loud noises I would take this over the lonely silence in an empty house any day. Thanks for having me over."

"Thank you for staying."

"It was nice of your older sister to let me use her bed.. though I didn't like the plate of half-eaten tacos I found when I pulled back the blankest to climb in." Alexandria laughed.

"Ha. Ha. Yeah, that's a Lynn special." Lucy smirked.

"I always wished I had siblings. It's lonely being an only child."

"Sigh.. sometimes it's lonely being in a big family, especially when you don't exactly fit in with everyone."

Alexandria's mouth twitched. "But they still seem to care about you. I mean they sit and watch TV with you, even if they don't all like the show. They threaten people for you." She chuckled. "They even cancel their plans to spend time with you. I wish my parents did that, even just once in a while."

"Sigh." Lucy squeezed her thumb in between her two fingers pressing her nails into the skin. "I wish they didn't cancel their plans though."

"Huh?"

"I feel like I'm monopolizing their time. They have dates and jobs and events. Important things they've been doing since we were younger and now suddenly they're pushing away all these things they love.. because of me." She frowned.

"But you're not forcing them. They make their own choices and they are choosing to spend their time with you." She stated.

"Sigh." Lucy rolled over in her bed to face Alexandria. "But they're only doing it because they're worried about me. If they felt less worried then they would go back to their normal lives. They used to all forget about me. I got used to it." Lucy sighed without saying the word. "Now they're always around and although I'm happy to know how much they care. I would be happier if they did what makes them happy instead. They're missing out on their lives because of me. It's all my fault. If they never found out then everything would be as it always was and they would be living their carefree lives."

"So, you feel guilty that they feel guilty that you felt left out so they feel worried and want to spend time with you which makes you happy but also sad because they should be doing their own things? Did I get that right? Because I'm kinda confused." She chuckled.

"Sigh.. more or less. I guess maybe I just want things to go back to how it was before they knew."

Alexandria frowned. "But then you would be miserable, hiding in the shadows, and shutting out your family again, right?" She asked.

"Sigh.. that's true." Lucy frowned. "Okay, maybe not back to before they knew, but I want to get past this part where they alter their lives because they know."

"What if we hang out tomorrow? Then they could all do their own things and you wouldn't feel bad."

Lucy smiled a little. "I'd like that, but I wouldn't want to burden you."

Alexandria smiled back. "Not possible. My parents are rarely ever around and my so-called friends were horrible people. My schedule is completely clear. Plus, I'd rather spend my time with you."

Lucy brought her black comforter up to hide her grin. "Okay."