Ghost of a Smile

Maybe I Did Help Her

Luna walked into her house and saw Lynn laying on the couch. The sporty girl looked exhausted and Luna felt bad for everything that happened earlier in the day. She never meant to throw all the blame at her, but it just came flying out of her mouth because she felt so frustrated and scared by the whole situation. The more she found out about Lucy the more scared she was that they might lose the young goth girl forever.

Luna and Luan thought everything was getting better so they left her alone for a while, but when Lynn came home everything stopped feeling like it had gotten better. Lynn pulled down the invisible wall Lucy was hiding behind and revealed that their sister still thinks about hurting herself and the scariest part was finding out that Lucy can't be left alone. It made Luna think about all the times Lucy was alone in her room when she ran off to a gig or rehearsal and Luna never noticed. She never even thought about checking in on her, and by time she got back it was usually late and she assumed the younger half of her siblings were already sleeping.

Nothing was okay anymore now that they knew. It would've been easier if they never found out, but if they hadn't Lucy might be dead and that thought was the scariest of them all.

"Hey. Wh-Where's Luce?" Luna stuttered a bit as she approached Lynn. Thinking about everything Lucy could be doing while she was at rehearsal made it hard for her to focus and she screwed up multiple times. It was when Sam told her to go home that she realized it wasn't just Lucy, she was also worried about Lynn after everything she said to the athlete.

Lynn slowly pulled her arm away from her eyes and Luna could see her eyes were red from crying.

"What's wrong?!" Luna gasped.

Lynn sighed. "Nothing. Lucy is upstairs in our room." She shrugged.

"What?! With who?! I thought we couldn't leave the little dude alone!" Luna rushed up the stairs, but Lynn jumped up and raced after her.

"Wait!" Lynn pulled on Luna's arm dragging her down the hall away from the door to their room. "She has a friend over." Lynn whispered.

"Huh?"

"One of the girls who wrote a note came over to apologize after I told her that she could." Lynn stated.

"Told her or forced her?" Luna chuckled. "Did you beat her up?"

Lynn shook her head. "No. For real, she went off on the other girls and when I followed her she was crying. She told me she felt guilty and I told her that Lucy is my little sister and she can come over to apologize if she wants to and she did. They made up and I think she's staying overnight."

"Oh.. well that's good!" Luna smiled, but then she frowned again. "But that doesn't explain your face. If it's all good now then why were you crying? I can totally tell you were."

Lynn frowned. "Because I heard all the stuff those bitchy girls said and I realized how bad Lucy has been getting bullied." She sniffed. "Even if Lola got back at them it doesn't matter. It's too late. The damage has been done and I didn't do anything to stop it." Lynn felt tears start to fall again. "You were right. It is all my fault. I should've said something or done something earlier. When I first found out I should have made her talk to me and I should have tried harder to tell you guys. I should've-" Lynn's crying cut off her words.

Luna frowned. That's what she was worrying about all day. That Lucy might be hurting again and that Lynn might be blaming herself again.

"Stop. Don't blame yourself." Luna shook her head. "It's my fault as much as it is yours. I was wrong."

"No. It's not." Lynn gulped. "Maybe you and the others were busy with other stuff and maybe I was too, but I knew! I'll never forget the day I caught her. It haunts me like a bad dream that won't go away!"

Luna grabbed onto Lynn's arm and dragged her into her and Luan's room. "Let's take this convo inside. I wouldn't want Lucy's new friend to hear us." She closed the door. "Tell me about it." She gulped. "When you first found out. Tell me everything."

Lynn gulped. "I don't like thinking about it, but okay. It was last year.. It's been a whole year.."

"Yes! My team is awesome!" Lynn cheered as she raced up the stairs. "That game ran a little long though I'm gonna be late for my other game!" She burst in her bedroom to grab her field hockey stick. Her afternoon soccer game was over and her team won 10-8 now she had to get ready for her field hockey match.

She saw Lucy on the floor and noticed the goth freeze when she entered the room. 'What weird thing is she doing now?' Lynn thought to herself as she looked over. What she saw made her freeze and her stick fell from her hand. 'What is she..'

Lucy hurried to pick up what she dropped, but Lynn had already seen it and reaching for it in such a way just made Lynn even more worried. She stepped over to the girl so she could see better and saw that her little sister's arm was bleeding. Lynn swallowed hard, but she couldn't find the words to speak. Instead she just left the room without saying anything to the younger girl.

Lucy frowned. 'She saw.. She knows.. How do I handle this?.. Would she hate me?.. Would she think I'm even more of a freak than she already does?.. Or is she disappointed?'

Lynn came back into the room with the first aid kit and sat down in front of Lucy. She didn't say anything and couldn't even look her sister in the eyes as she cleaned and bandaged Lucy's arm for her. 'Why?.. Why?.. Did she do this to herself?.. Why?' Lynn's thoughts were racing as she finished and put the scraps in the trash can. 'Is it my fault? It can't be.. can it? She's hated me since that day. Since I was fifteen and she was ten. Since we got into that fight. My rage blackout almost seriously hurt her and after everything was over she looked at me and said she hated me. We haven't talked much since then. We haven't really talked at all.. How can I talk to her now? I can't. She wouldn't want me too. She hates me. I guess I'll just leave her alone.'

"Lynn, I-"

"I got a game." Lynn said as she walked back over to where her hockey stick lay. She picked it up and quickly left the room. 'Yeah. She still hates me and wouldn't want to talk to me. I'll just leave her alone.'

Lynn had tears streaming down her face and now Luna was crying too. "I- I convinced myself that she would want nothing to do with me and I didn't say anything to her, but that day we lost the game because I couldn't focus. I should have stayed. I should have blew off the game and stayed to talk to her!" Lynn cried.

Luna sighed and went over to her purple bean bag to comfort Lynn. "Do you think it would've helped? I mean Lucy doesn't talk much. Maybe you were right back then. Maybe she wouldn't have talked to you and she would've shut down even more?"

"But I still should've tried! If I told you guys we could have made her talk, like we keep trying to do now! We should have done this back then and it's my fault we didn't!"

Luna shook her head. "Nah, think about it brah. Last year we were barely home. Lori was always with Bobby, Leni was going on dates almost every night, I was just starting to get better gigs and was rarely home, Luan started her nights at that comedy club, Lincoln was just starting a serious relationship with Ronnie Anne and trying to make sure Cylde never felt left out, the twins were busy with their careers, and Lisa discovered some new something or whatever. Plus Lilly was only 4 years old."

"Still-"

"Lynn, as much as it sucks to think about, and I know it makes us seem like bad sibs, we were all too busy and even if we knew I'm sure we would have acted the same way you did and told ourselves Lucy won't talk to us anyway so we should just leave her alone. It's sad and it's way scary, but seeing her on the floor and taking her to the hospital is the only reason we're trying so hard now. Back then, we would have done the same thing you did. Worry in our heads and leave her alone. But now because of you we know not to ever leave her alone and I won't make that mistake again." Luna gave her a small smile. "I'm sorry I was way harsh. You didn't deserve it. I was looking for someone to blame so I wouldn't have to feel so guilty for not noticing myself, but that was unfair. We all share the blame here."

Lynn sniffed. "I guess you're right."

"Plus, Lucy is with a friend right now and that's all your doing, brah."

Lynn allowed herself a smile. "Yeah. I guess it is. Maybe I did help her."

"You did." Luna smiled.