Ghost of a Smile

Breaking Down In A Safe Space

"Lucy, sweetie, it's time to go." Rita said to her daughter who was sitting on the couch between the twins. "It shouldn't take long."

"Sigh, but Mother, Vampires of Melancholia is having a marathon before the premiere of the eighth season." Lucy complained not wanting to miss her favorite show.

"You've seen every season. You can miss a few episodes and we'll be back long before the premiere. Come on, your father is waiting out in the car. We have to go."

"Sigh."

"Good luck, Lucy!"

"Because careful guys! I heard on the news that a giant fly attacked the police station, but I'm sure they've already called in the SWAT team!" Luan laughed ridiculously.

Everyone else groaned.

A few moments later Lynn Jr came running down the stairs.

"Lori, can you take me to my appointment today?"

Lori closed her eyes and placed her hand on her face. "Oh crap! I knew I forgot about something! Sorry Lynn, I have a viewing in an hour. I have to get going."

Lynn looked bummed. "Oh okay."

Luna stopped tuning her guitar on the chair. "No worries little sis, you got two other siblings with vehicles. I can drop you on my way to rehearsal if you don't mind riding in the rock van." She stood up, chuckling as she grabbed her keys off the hook by the door.

Lynn perked up. "Thanks Luna! Man, I can't wait til I can afford my own car." She said as she walked out the door with Luna.

"Don't be in such a rush. We ain't got the space for another car." Luna laughed. "Wait til Lori leaves at least." She said as she got in the drivers seat of her van. She put the key in the ignition. "And.. well, maybe I'll be leaving soon too."

Lynn frowned. "What do you mean? You're moving out?!"

Luna chuckled. "Relax sis, it's just talk right now. Sam invited me to move into her flat and for a while I was into the idea, but then-" Luna sighed as she drove down the street. "Lucy, well ya know, and I just don't wanna leave when everything is so.. harsh."

Lynn sighed. "I know what you mean. Do you get the feeling that this isn't over?" She bit her lip.

Luna gulped and nodded. "Yeah, I get those bad vibes too. I wanna blame that creep for everything and tell myself it'll be better after he gets lost, but I can't help thinking that it's not gonna change much. Lucy is still going be all distant and she might-" Luna gulped again. "I don't like thinking that way, but I can't shake this bad feeling. It's like mega harsh, brah."

Lynn nodded. "Yeah. I feel it too. Imma talk to the doc about it and see if he has any helpful advice. I already asked Lucy to talk to him, but she doesn't want to right now and mom doesn't want to push her." Lynn Jr. shrugged.

"Well I think she should talk to someone. It helped you with your problem and I think it could help her too." Luna pulled up to the building. "Kay, text when you get done and don't worry too much just talk it out with your shrink."

Lynn hopped out of the van. "Will do and you focus on your music. Don't get too worried about this."

Luna gave her sister a small smile. "No worries. Just jamming."

Lynn smiled back and closed the door then she waved as Luna drove away. She walked up to the front door and entered the brick building slowly. It wasn't that she was nervous, she had been going to therapy for three years now, but today was different. Today was her first session after what happened and she needed to talk about it, but she didn't know how to start or what to even say.

"Hello Lynn, how are you?" The secretary asked in a kind voice.

Lynn sighed and tapped her fingers against the woman's wooden desk. "Uh, not good. Can I go in or is he busy right now?"

"Well you are a bit early, but his last appointment rescheduled their time so he's free right now."

Lynn sighed in relief. "Thanks." She clicked on the light to let him know someone was outside his door and waited until he said to come in then she opened the door.

"A little early today, Lynn? Is everything alright?" Dr. Keynes stated in a calming tone of voice.

Lynn closed the door behind her enclosing herself in her safe space and then immediately started to cry. Salty tears pouring from her eyes down her cheeks. "No. I'm not. My- My sister-" She tried to choke out the words, but found it too difficult to force them out.

Her therapist stood to meet her by the door with a pack of tissues. "Come on, Lynn. Come sit and tell me what's going on." He said as he helped her over to the couch. "Take your time. Try to breathe." He said in a soothing way. "When you feel ready then you can tell me what happened and I'll try my best to help." He smiled nicely.

Lynn sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve, then she looked down to her lap and remembered the tissue package he gave her. She took out a few and wiped at her eyes, then she blew her nose and took a deep breath to try to calm herself like he instructed her to do when she gets upset about something. "My little sister, Lucy-" She cut herself off and swallowed.

"Lucy is the one you have been having problems with, correct?"

Lynn couldn't speak so she just nodded and wiped at her eyes.

"Did something happen between you? Another fight perhaps?"

Lynn's lip quivered as she shook her head back and forth.

"Another rage blackout?"

Lynn shook her head again. "No."

"Take your time."

Lynn gulped. "She- My little sister tried to- tried to kill herself." She forced out then she took a shaky breath and started crying again.

Dr. Keynes looked at her with a sympathetic look in his hazel eyes. "I'm so sorry. Is she still with you?"

Lynn nodded. "Yeah, she's back home, but I'm so worried that it won't be the last time." She cried. "And I feel like such a failure because I- I knew she was hurting herself and I did nothing." Lynn spit out, her voice filled with self-hatred. "I put on some band aids and even then we didn't talk. I didn't ask her why." She gasped out. "I-I think I was afraid that she would say it was because of me." She took another shaky breath. "Be-Because we we're fighting. Be-Because I almost hurt her. Be-Because I could have killed my little sister and now she- she wants to die and I don't know what to do!" Lynn yelled in pain.

Her therapist listened as she cried, while writing on his notepad, then when she was done talking he leaned forward slightly. "Lynn, don't blame yourself. Even if you were fighting that doesn't mean you caused it and I'm sure your younger sister would tell you the same thing. You should just try talking to her about it."

Lynn sniffed, she tried to catch her breath, then she spoke again. "I did and she doesn't blame me. She doesn't even hate me like I thought she did. She forgives me."

He gave her a small smile. "Good."

"But I still blame me. I still feel like all of this is my fault, or even if it isn't I could have stopped it before it got to this point. If I just talked to her or told our parents or even just our siblings! I could have prevented this, but I failed!"

"Lynn, blaming yourself for things you can't control or dwelling on what you should have done won't help you now. That was the past. You need to let it go and be there for your little sister now. Now is all that matters." He advised.

Lynn nodded. "Okay."