Ghost of a Smile

I Became A Bully

Lucy and Alexandria were talking alone in her bedroom about school and those girls bullying them.

"Are you sure you want to be friends with me? They might bully you too."

Alexandria sighed. "Yeah. They probably will, but I would still rather be friends with you than them."

"Sigh.. But I don't want you to get bullied too." Lucy frowned.

"It's okay." Alexandria smiled. "They can't actually hurt me. All they ever do is write stupid notes like cowards because they are jealous of you."

"They're jealous.. of me? No, they hate me because I'm a freak.. because I'm not like them."

Alexandria shook her head. "No. They hate you because you're yourself. I mean everything they are is whatever is trending right now. I don't think they even know who they really are anymore. They're just copies of a copy of someone famous. That's why they're being bitches to you. They hate that you don't try to be like them." She frowned. "And I hate that I tried so hard to be like them. At my old school I was the weird kid in class. I was picked on all the time so when I moved I decided to change and be who they want me to be. I read all the trendy fashion blogs online and then I went out and bought all this stuff." She held up her hand. "I mean look at my hand! Four purple and one pink nail?! Why?! What is the purpose of this other than driving my OCD crazy every time I look down! I bought two purses because that's what the popular girls say is in right now, but I'm more of a hoodie with a big pocket and sweat pants type of girl! I just didn't want to get bullied anymore, but then I became a bully!" Alexandria wiped at her face before she started crying again. "My hair is shorter because it's trending. I listen to Taylor Swift even though her songs physically hurt me. My body cringes every time I hear her crap!"

Lucy stayed quiet and listened to her new friend vent out her frustration.

"I like alternative music and even listen to some hard rock when I'm in a mood. I like wearing sneakers, not stupid heels or crocs or whatever else they decide I should wear. I like watching horror movies and the more gore the more I laugh at it!"

Lucy smiled. "Then be yourself."

Alexandria sighed. "I wish I could.. problem is even if I know what I like and I know what I hate I don't know how to say no. I'm a total pushover."

"No, you're not."

"Yes. I am."

Lucy shook her head. "If you were you wouldn't be here. You would be at the mall wih them probably talking about me and laughing."

Alexandria thought for a moment then she smiled. "You're right. I snapped at them. I said I didn't want to be friends with them anymore. I'm not a pushover. I just.. I forgot who I was and what I like. Thanks Lucy."

"If you want.. I'm sure my sister wouldn't mind you borrowing some sweats tonight. You shouldn't sleep in a skirt and that top looks a little too tight to be comfortable."

Alexandria nodded. "It is not." She chuckled. "Are you sure she won't mind?" She said following Lucy over to the closet. "Maybe you should ask her first. I don't wanna get beat up."

"You won't. Mom just did the laundry so Lynn has plenty to spare."

"Wow! She has a lot of sweats and jerseys." Alexandria exclaimed when Lucy moved her stuff out of the way to show off Lynn's side of the closet.

"Yeah."

"I take it all the black and gray stuff is yours." Alexandria looked down on the floor of the closet. "Is that-"

"Uh.. just ignore that. I think it fell off the hanger." Lucy said reaching down to pick up her gray sweater with the black cat on it that Leni got her.

Alexandria bit her lip nervously. "Mind if I wear it tonight?"

Lucy looked at her. "Uh, sure." She cautiously handed it over to her.

Alexandria smiled. "Thanks. I love cats!" She grinned. "And maybe if your sister sees me wearing it she'll forgive me for my mean note." She looked away embarrassed by her actions. "Is she as scary as the girl who was going to beat me up?"

Lucy chuckled. "Ha. Ha. No. Leni is probably the nicest in the whole family. If anything she would just ice you out, but even then she would forget why and talk to you. Then she'd get upset at first for talking to you when she doesn't want to speak to you. Leni is.. well.. not smart."

Alexandria chuckled. "Okay. Wow, you have 10 siblings. And they all have different personalities? How can you all even live together?"

"Sigh.. we have our moments.. like when Lynn pushed me out that window and I almost fell to my death.. or ya know.. broke my arm, but death would've been better."

Alexandria gasped. "She- she pushed you out the window?! She's scary!"

Lucy shrugged. "I didn't know it at the time, but Lynn suffers from  rage blackouts. She blacked out that night and I know she still feels guilty. It took me a while to forgive her though." Lucy looked over at the window. "Honestly, I was mad at her for pulling me back in before I fell."

Alexandria gulped. "Why?"

"Sigh.. because I wanted to die.. even back then.. I thought about it. That night I thought if I fell and hit my head maybe I would never wake up and my ghost would leave my body, but then Lynn and my other siblings pulled me back inside and I saw the looks on their faces. I felt so guilty for thinking about dying and worrying them that I shut them all out after that. I thought they didn't need me."

Alexandria frowned. "Hey Lucy, when do you think you're gonna come back to school? Are you coming back? I-I hope you will."

"Sigh." Lucy shrugged. "I don't know. I'm sure I will eventually, but right now." She tugged at her sleeve. "I don't wanna go back wearing these bandages." She admitted.

Alexandria frowned. "I understand, but everyone at school already knows. Devin said he heard it from his brother who heard it at school."

"Sigh.. how old is his brother?"

"I think.. sixteen."

"Sigh.. damn it Lincoln." She shook her fist in the air and groaned.