Magkaibigan lang ba talaga?

Prologue

PROLOGUE

I ran as fast as I can. I remember what Jessica told me. We've been friends for almost 25 years. If I just let my feelings fade maybe I... I can still save this!

But I can't fake it. Everytime I see him I stumble into a mindset in overcoming that ‘pagmamahalan’ I always wanted. Bakit ko ba kasi naramdaman ang mga hindi dapat sa best friend ko?

Binigyan niya kasi ako ng mixed signals! We kissed, we made love and he cares about me! It's fucking confusing.

Pumara kaagad ako ng taxi at sumakay. Hindi na ako nag abala pangmagbihis pa, lukot lukot pa ang buhok ko at kusot kusot ang aking suot. Pero wala akong pake alam, kesa naman na umalis siya at iwan akong ganito.

With all the guilt I have right now, I still manage to think like this. Dahil akala ko, kuya, best friend at kababatang kapatid na lalaki lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya pero hindi! Ang tingin ko sa kaniya ay shota, nagdedelusion ako. Tangina naman Amethyst eh! Ang tigas ng anit mo.

I'm delusional. I'm fucking delusional na umabot na sa point na inangkin ko siya! Pati si Kris... I... made her depressed.

“Manong para...” I went out from the taxi and shame flushed my face. I don't think I'll be able to pay the taxi driver because I left my wallet. I explained and he agreed with our deal. Tumakbo kaagad ako patungo sa airport kung saan siya.

I totally... did... get my dreams, but I am destroying others dream. It was like counting sheep after a stormy day. I was always chill out but now... I don't know what to feel. It feels serene knowing that he’s now achieving his dream, but it was also painful knowing that he'll forget me...

Naglakad ako hanggang makarating ako sa airport. Parang may mga nakadagan sa akin sa pagtapak ko sa lupa. I feel like I'm banned in going here. Tumulo na naman yung mga luha ko. I wasted our friendship for my fucking feelings! For my fucking nonsense feelings!

I need to face the consequences.

That consequences needs something that can help and fulfill my guilt. All these happenings are swiftly taken advantage by the season.

As I faced the door of the airport, I couldn't move a muscle. My shoulders are shaking, my eyes were terrifying, my feet and knees are shaking.

Umiyak na naman ako...

I feel like I'm going to fall. Hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari. Wala pa akong kain mula kagabi hanggang ngayon dahil puro inom lang ako. I don't know what's happening to me!

I swiftly watched every person who walked side by side. Every sound of the announcer makes my veins burn. Nakatayo ako malapit sa chairs when suddenly I felt a hot breath dump my ears.

May nagsalita sa likod ko, para akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko. I feel like I'm numb. Parang salita lang niya...

“Amethyst,” emotionlessly he said.

Huh. Now he's calling me with my real name! Hindi. That only means one thing, he's mad at me... super mad.

"L-Leon," tumingin ako sa kanya na kahit namumugto na yung mata at gumagalaw ang mga balikat.

“Ano? What are you doing here?” with that emerald eyes which is colder than ice, he faced me not taking back all he have done to me.

"W-wag... kanang... u-umalis," gumagaralgal yung boses ko.

Pagak siyang tumawa na parang nakakatawa yung sinabi ko. "Huh? After you did?" kinuha niya ang bagahe niya at hinarap sa'kin na para bang ipanamumukha niya talaga na aalis na siya.

Wala na akong alinlangan at yinakap ko siya, humihikbi, umiyak, kahit may mga taong tumitingin sa eksina kong ginagawa. Pilit naman akong winawaksi ni Leon, he don't like my hugs anymore.

Super desperate, Amethyst. He already changed!

“Don't leave me please...” Humikbi ako. “Kahit ngayon lang makinig ka sa'kin... please just don't leave me... magpapaubaya ako,” hinigpitan ko yung yakap ko. “Please Leon kahit ngayon lang...”

"Tumayo ka diyan Esmeralda! ‘Wag kang gumawa ng eskandalo at eksena!" sabi niya at pilit akong pinapatayo. “Never naman naging tayo! Bakit mo’ko ipapaubaya?” tawa niya.

“Mahal kita Leon!” sigaw ko. “Bilang kaibigan. Kaya kong ipaubaya yung pagkakaibigan natin, bumalik kalang.”

“Mahal kita pero kaibigan lang talaga Esmeralda! Ano bang hindi mo maintindihan?” bara niya sa sinabi ko.

It all makes sense. He only love me because he treat me as a sister. It's clear now.

Ang hiling ko lang na maging masaya siya kahit hindi ako ang dahilan, kahit parang tinapos na niya yung pagkakaibigan namin.

Tinapik ko yung pisngi niya at nginitian. Siguro, tama na.

“Sige, baka malate kapa sa flight mo,” pagak akong tumawa at tumalikod na. Umiiyak akong naglakad palayo.

Lumingon ako sa kaniya at nakayuko na siya ngayon. He then grab his baggage ready to take off. Goodluck sa Cali.

I found the arrow... It was with him you stupid cupid! How could you wrongly give that fucking arrow...

See you, sa pagmamahalang pang-kaibigan lang Leon.

Kaibigan lang ba talaga?

______________
@Dark_sunsets

—Kalon—