Loki one-shots fanfiction ♡

37. lux aeterna

Loki felt it when Thor hugged him.

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A short, quick fic solely inspired by the first episode of the first season of Loki series, although the story itself will not contain any spoilers. (I will tell which scene the chapter's referring to at the end of the story to avoid giving out any spoilers, but if you've already seen it, then you might probably know which scene I've got the inspiration from)

Also this is more Loki-centric fic than anything, so there isn't really any pairing here.

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Loki felt it when Thor hugged him. It was the warmth among the coldness spreading through his entire unmoving body from the inside, those comforting feelings of the warmth from Thor's hug engraved deep within his still chest where his now still heart rested. It comforted him, telling him it was okay.

Nothing was okay. Nothing was ever going to be okay, because nothing mattered anymore. Deep down, Loki had always known this would be how it ended; he'd known it from the beginning, he'd known it the first time he saw Thanos after his falling (letting go) from the Bifrost, and he'd known it from the moment Thanos' ship loomed into his line of vision when he was standing next to Thor, here on Statesman.

The Statesman that, just like him, was dying, fast, breaking into pieces as burning flames swallowed the whole thing in one big explosion.

And Thor was still clinging to his body, his dying body.

(Even though Thor didn't know, Thor thought he was already dead, but it didn't matter, because he was dying, in a few seconds, after his brain finally caught up with what'd happened to his body, he would be gone -- completely gone)

He was, however, already too far gone to tell Thor to get out of here and save himself.

He could only lie there, not strong enough to respond or react in any way, but was still aware enough of his surroundings that he knew Thor was hugging him, mourning him.

(Which was, in a way, funny. Loki would've laughed, if he could. They stopped hugging, after they both reached adolescent, and especially after them going their own different paths, the gesture of affection wasn't something they showed each other anymore. So it was funny that, now that Loki was dying -- was dead -- they hugged one last time. Or, Thor hugged him one last time)

At least he felt it.

At the very least the last thing he felt was his brother hugging him.

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When Loki next opened his eyes he no longer felt the warmth of Thor's embrace on his chest anymore, and he, as childish as it was, started longing for it -- that one last hug -- the second he couldn't feel it anymore.

It wasn't enough, it could never be enough.

Loki looked left and right, nearly frantically, searching for a brother he knew wasn't here.

Wherever he was now, he knew Thor couldn't follow.

And wherever Thor was now, Loki knew he couldn't be there -- couldn't follow Thor anymore.

But he was panicked still, because it was the first time he was alone, utterly all by himself. He looked for Thor knowing he couldn't find him, not here.

Then he touched his chest where Thor had given him that one last hug, like he was seeking the lingering warm Thor's hug might have left.

He felt nothing, but at least it gave him some type of comfort nonetheless, and Loki let his hand stay there for a moment more.

Thor.

At least Thor got to live. At least I got to save Thor.

He heard a familiar voice call his name and turned to the direction. Frigga was there and so was Odin, and suddenly the place, wherever the place was, wasn't so terrifying anymore.

"Mother," he said, and wasn't aware of himself slowly walking toward her, toward both her and his late father. They both were here now.

Then Loki thought of the tale Frigga used to tell him before bed, the tale of Valhalla where warriors reunited and feasted, where families met again. He hadn't considered himself worthy of Valhalla in a long time, but here he was standing in front of a big gate with his parents were here greeting him, welcoming him.

When his mother reached out a hand to gently cup his cheek, Loki let her. 

"I am dead," he said. But at least Thor's alive.

"You are brave, my son," Odin said from where he stood next to his queen. "You've fought so much. It is time for you to rest,"

But Thor, Loki wanted to protest. Thor was alive, yes, but he was also alone. Loki didn't get to tell him to move on, to not mourn him. If Thor blamed himself, if Thor didn't have anybody to be there for him...

"It's okay," his mother's voice broke Loki's train of thought, like she could read his mind. "Your brother will be okay. It's time for you to come home," she said with a smile on her face, the kind smile Loki had missed so much ever since her death.

"Come home, my son." Odin said.

Loki looked beyond the gate behind his parents, he saw a palace -- a big, elegant palace.

He had thought he wasn't worthy enough of this, of Valhalla, but as he let his mother take his hand in hers and guide him through the gate, he found himself allowed the access, after all.

So this was home. 

So he was home now.

Loki took one last look back toward where he'd just been and touched his chest with his free hand, at the spot where Thor had hugged him.

At least the last thing he felt before he finally, truly reached peace and was home with his parents, was Thor hugging him.

Loki smiled softly before turning his head back and followed his parents home.

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So anyway this was inspired by ..... spoilers alert .... Loki series season 1 episode 1 where Loki watched his own death, and his file didn't end when Thanos broke his neck but when Thor hugged him, implying the possibility that he didn't die right away and that he could still feel it when Thor hugged his body. So that was the last thing he felt :")

I also want to apologise for making it a sad chapter. I promise I'm working on other workswhere it won't be sad, I mean there will still be angst and hurt/comfort because that's basically what I do at this point, but it won't end in Loki dead, so chapters with hopeful endings are coming your way!