Just A Personal Assistant

fifteen - a regretted memory

Track:

If By Chance - Ruth B

~~~

The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies - unknown

~~~

"Harry, I'm sorry" Louis said as he looked at Harry who was seating down beside him with quite a distance, "You weren't meant to see that, it's just that I saw y-"

"It's alright, you don't need to explain anything to me" Harry said as tears prickled his eyes again, "I'm not your boyfriend, Louis".

Harry picked up Oreo who was wiggling his tail towards him. Oreo had been home all day today and yesterday.

Louis started to feel sadness and emptiness within him since Harry never called him Louis, it was either Lou, Hedgehog or boobear, but now it was Louis. He tried to focus to the movie but it only made him feel alone even though Harry was there. Normally, when they were watching a movie, Harry would snuggle closer to Louis and Louis would wrap his arms around Harry. There was this one time when they watched a horror movie the third day of Harry's stay. He'd jump and scream anytime the bad guy appeared out of nowhere, so Louis would wrap his arms around Harry, and Harry will become so comfortable in Louis' embrace that he fell asleep in his arms, and they've been cuddling each other to sleep ever since. They may have only met, but Harry has always admired Louis since they were children, and he would seize any opportunity to be closer to him, even though Louis doesn't remember him from their childhood.

After the movie, Harry stood up the couch and mumbled a small 'g'night' and headed for his room.

He went through his bag and grabbed his journal, he opened it to the next page of his last entry.

***

Harry Style's Top Secret Diary

***Confidential***

Uhmm... How do you start a journal, diary or whatever this is anyway? Well, I guess I'll tell you how I feel first. I feel sad, mad, betrayed, nervous, weak, I feel all bad emotions there is. I saw the guy I like (yes, I realized I like him ever since the day we went to Cornwall), making love with a girl! I guess I could feel betrayed right? I know we aren't dating or so, but he kissed me, HE KISSED ME!!! Ahhhhh!!! I feel so mad right now!! HE gave me chances and made me hope he somehow liked me back, but I guess he's just like any other guys. This is probably the worst day there is. I just want to cry all day which makes me feel so weak and vulnerable and I hate it! I hate this so much! I feel like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and chopped it in front of me!!! Is that too much? No, it isn't!! I think he also fed it to stray cats and dogs!! I don't know if I'm exaggerating or if I'm making things dramatic but it's how I feel! And, you know what hurts more, he invited me to watch a movie after he had sex with Eleanor I presume!! He had the guts to do that! Can you imagine!! Oh god, wat's happening to me?! I'm starting to become one of those girls from some random T.V. series where she assumes that the boy she likes, likes her back!! Ahhhh, why didn't I fall for another guy!! Why did it have to be THE Louis Tomlinson!! Why I can't I fall for another person with blue eyes and brown hair and sassy attitude!! That's still Louis Tomlinson!! What's happening to me?! Oh god! I don't know how to act around him anymore! Sometimes it feels like I hoped to much and celebrated too early, something I shouldn't have done... I miss mom and Gemma and Zayn, I miss my home, I miss everything!!! Speaking of home, Uhhh, my best mate is going to be my sister's boyfriend! Can you believe that! I mean, I told her that he can't be with Gemma, but he never listens! But, I do have to admit, that they'd make a cute couple, we could all use a little bit of Zemma here. I'm also pretty sure that Zayn will take care of Gemma, it's something I could trust him with, so as long as he doesn't hurt her or break his heart. Could you imagine that they fell in love with only 7 days of being together, well Gemma did but Zayn liked Gemma since the day they first met, I saw it in his eyes, I just never questioned him about it. Well, I also fell in love with Louis Tomlinson in only seven days of being wi- WHAT THE HELL?!?! Gosh, how do you erase with ballpen!!! I can't just rip this page out of this notebook, it'll ruin the whole notebook!!! I'm not in love with Louis Tomlinson he's a dick!!! I may have liked it since we were kids but I'm not in love with him!! Now, that I think about it, I don't know how to say that we used to be friends! Hah! I don't even know why I'll open the topic up when we aren't friends anymore! Well, I guess I still like him and he still has this huge effect on me so I feel the need to explain... I've never been one to get angry when someone betrays me, I would usually just shake it off and get away from that person... There was this one time when my best friend Lucas went and took all the credit for a song I made, I ended up being friends with him still and I forgave him... But now I feel different about Louis, I feel like I should be the one he wants not any other girls... or boys. I feel this huge wave of anger when I saw him with that girl but I can't help but not be angry at him, his my boss, my childhood best friend, and the guy I like. Gosh! He will be the death of me! Reading back from what I wrote earlier, I feel dumb, I guess I'll just have to act civil with him, that's the only thing I could think of doing right now... Anyways, goodnight!!