the minor details

i love you

this chapter might be triggering to some people!! just a warning

"i can't do this anymore sara! it's too dangerous! you're just not worth the risk!" i gaped at her and shook my head.

"but i love you!" i said. gwen sighed and walked over to the front door and opened it.

"you should go." she said monotonously. my feet were glued to the floor and my eyes never left her.

"don't be like this gwen" i pleaded.

"sara. go home" she said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

i was startled awake by a loud thud. i gasped and jolted up. i was covered in sweat and a little shaky. i took in my surroundings and saw that we were on the couch and my legs were resting over gwens', who was reading a book while stroking my knee.

"sara? are you okay?" she said with a concerned face. "was it a nightmare? you were saying my name and shaking a lot"

"y-yeah it was a nightmare" i said, sitting up and trying to steady my breathing. gwen nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck. i rested my chin on her shoulder and took deep breaths. it was saturday, and i was spending the day at gwens house. of course my mom thinks i'm at rhi's, but whatever. we decided to spend today together since last week was pretty rough, having to go back to school and act like we don't know each other. having to act like i'm not in love with my teacher is so difficult. when she's reading poetry in front of the class it takes everything in me to not jump up and kiss her right there. and with junior year being so demanding, i haven't had a lot of free time to spend with her, so i'm glad i'm here now.

"sorry i woke you, i was trying to turn out the lights but i didn't want to move because your legs were on me, so i just started throwing things at the light switch" she said, pulling back and stroking my cheek with her thumb. i laughed at that.

"it's fine, it was probably a good thing you woke me before i started kicking or something."

"what was the dream about?"

"you're gonna laugh..."

"no! i promise i won't laugh!" she said, already holding back a smile.

"fine...i had a really vivid dream that you broke up with me or something and you were kicking me out of your house" i said while messing with her rings on her fingers to distract myself. she snorted a little and quickly covered it with a cough.

"you said you wouldn't laugh!" i said, lightly hitting her arm.

"i know, but that's just so dumb. if anything you'll be the one breaking up with me" she said, looking down, suddenly serious.

"i would never" i said with a smile. she smiled back at me and lightly brushed her lips against mine. i welcomed the electrifying feeling i still got from kissing her. she ran her hands up and down my thighs that were still on her lap. i pulled away and rested my forehead on hers.

"i have to pee" i whispered.

"you sure know how to ruin the mood" she said as she got back to her book. i rolled my eyes and found my way to the bathroom. i shut the door behind me and held myself up by my hands resting on the sink. i stared back at my reflection in the mirror and smiled to myself. i still could not believe that gwen was mine. if you told me on that first day of school that i would end up dating the pretty lady who knocked on my car window, i'd say you were crazy. but i still had random nightmares every now and then that gwen was breaking up with me, or dying, or kicking me out. i'm not sure what they mean, but i usually try to ignore them. i'm assuming it's just my abandonment issues speaking. i took some more deep breaths and was about to use the bathroom when my eyes fell on something shiny on the shelf behind the toilet. i walked over to the shelf and carefully grabbed it, realizing it was a ring. it had a gold band and a sizable diamond that shimmered in the light. holy shit, this is an engagement ring! i gasped and quickly put it back on the shelf. why does gwen have an engagement ring in her bathroom? she never told me anything about any previous marriages. did she forget to mention it? should i bring it up? suddenly an angry feeling overtook my senses. how do you forget to mention something like this? a previous marriage is usually something you bring up at some point! i guess this is another down side of dating someone almost twice your age. the age gap never bothered me, unless i overthought it. like gwen was already twelve when i was born. whatever, i need to talk to her. i grabbed the ring again and exited the bathroom. i walked down the hallway and back into the living room, where gwen was still sitting on the couch. she heard my footsteps, but kept her eyes on her book.