16
Try to feel the update, not just read it. Maybe my words might not have done proper justice, but I am sure your imagination can.
***
There is something soothing about physical pain when it syncs in harmony with the pain your heart feels. Probably, that is why Ashwin didn't act out of reflex when the handle of the pan burned his fingers. It was her who pulled his hand away and blew air on his fingers.
Shivangi frowned at him even as she pulled him aside and let the water sooth the pain. His lack of reaction didn't surprise her as much as the fact that he was stupid enough to take solace of the physical pain to momentarily forgo the heaviness of his heart.
Even after the burn was soothed, his hand was still between hers as she looked at him with disappointment that he deserved.
Ashwin straightened himself. He didn't say sorry. It was too simple word to compensate for his carelessness now or his carelessness few years ago. Words don't mean anything, if actions don't add up. His actions hurt her and his actions should be the one that will salvage them.
Also, the silence between them has prevailed too long in this house for them to break the tranquillity of it.
He wept like he was a toddler lost in land. She sat beside him looking at him mildly concerned and mildly relieved as she soothed him not with her words but her presence. She said it was not easy to not love him. He realized he could never ask her that too. Her love was hers to do with what she wants. If she was going to bestow it on a pathetic man with senses that fall in track five years too late, then be it. What he can do is not be that pathetic man anymore.
Ashwin didn't know if he will ever be truly enough to deserve her, but he knows that he has to try. Walking away is the easiest route he can take but it will make their five years unworthy. Everything that he can do, he has to do, because she is worth it.
As Shivangi bee lined to the kitchen few minutes later, Ashwin followed helplessly more because wanting to be in her presence dragged her rather than his need to feed them. Only when inside the kitchen he realized she must be famished. Then began their soundless dance in sync as they began working in the kitchen.
They probably needed it. The rhythm only cooking could give them. Cooking together is deeply rooted as a happy memory in them that no amount of negativity could manage to erase the way their whole body and mind become attuned to each other when they perform the activity. It was their therapy.
It was also easy to work in harmony without words being shared. Once Ashwin returned to the pan where oil was simmering, the sound of knife tapping on the cutting board while she chopped onion was the only noise. When the clatter stopped, he turned around to look at her. She widened her eyes slightly as if asking him if it was enough. He didn't nod only gulped, but that seemed to have conveyed the message that it was enough for she began to chop the tomatoes next.
When Ashwin moved away to collect the spices from the shelf behind, Shivangi automatically took his place in front of the stove to sauté the ingredients in pan. Her fingers twisted the knob to turn down the heat. She just knew what he wanted at least in the kitchen.
Dinner was as silent as their cooking with only clatter of the cutleries keeping them company.
Only when dinner was over that Ashwin realized that they were in his house at quarter past one and she was not going home. His mind was too occupied before to ponder the technicalities.
