19
Shivangi's mother gave her a satisfied smirk as she saw her daughter dressed in pink floral sundress with cold shoulder. Her hair was perfectly knotted with waterfall braid and small but beautiful pink bindi adored her forehead. It has been usual occurrence off late to see her daughter in bright colours and her mother decided to welcome the change without making her daughter conscious by questioning it.
Shivangi understood her mother's look, but she didn't wait to give her any reply. The way her heart works is complicated and not everyone will have time to tangle the knots. Years ago world thought she changed for a man, even now some might accuse her of the same, but the truth is that it isn't as simple as that. So, Shivangi is not going to try explaining.
Shivangi's mind was mainly occupied with thoughts of Ashwin. She was intentionally holding back from contacting him day before. She wanted to know what he will do if the first step doesn't come from her. It took him less than half day to crumble and give in even though it was in his own indirect way.
Shivangi wondered this is how it is going to be with him. Yes, he is super forward and honest once he gets talking, but to get him to the point where he is ready to open is the most difficult task.
Will things ever become casual between them and just naturally flow without either being too cautious about hurting other's feelings?
Shivangi spent the first half of the day rehearsing with her friends and spending time with them until lunch.
"Lunch ku naanga veliya porom. Nee varaya?" her friend asked
(We are going out for lunch. Do you want to join?)
"Naan varala. Roofa madam kitta konjam pesanum." Shivangi waved off
(Nope. I want to meet Roofa mam)
Her phone beeped with a message.
"I am here. Practice at dance room."
Shivangi's first reaction was to excuse herself to see him. But, something held her back, the same instinct that held her back from messaging him first.
What if...?
"Oru nimisham." She stopped her friends. "Naanum lunch ku varen."
(Wait. I will join you guys)
Shivangi packed her bag while texting simultaneously.
"Okay. I am going out with my friends."
She sent him the message.
"Have fun."
The reply came immediately
Shivangi didn't know how she expected him to react. She would have hated if he had thrown a fuss about it. Now, even his supportive answer made her mad. Was he not as desperate to meet her as she is?
Getting back with him also brought back with it the insecurities that were buried five years ago.
Insecurities are like darkness just lurking around the corner, never completely gone.
Shivangi knew it isn't right to hold him responsible for how she feels, but how is she supposed to feel assured?
She wished she is as sorted in her mind as she portrays through her actions.
Until him, it was easy to live like this new improved Shivangi, but now he is bringing out old shades of her that is contrasting with her new personality. Now, she isn't even sure which Shivangi is actually her real self.
