love me; parmiga [major editing]

|01| summertime sadness

|01| summertime sadness

    Letting out a definitely non-dramatic sigh, I slumped up against the car seat and tightly shut my eyes. Missouri. Of all places in the world, they're sending me to Missouri. I can't stay home by myself. I can't go with my parents to Africa to help them build schools. I can't even go to California to live with my sister and spend my summer on the beach—God forbid I actually have a pleasurable time. I just have to go to Missouri to spend my only time away from school sitting indoors with my annoyingly positive godmother and her weird, recluse of a daughter.

I slipped a set of headphones over my ears and blasted the loudest rock song I could find on my playlist. My parents seemingly love it when I'm miserable, so they send me to the place where I'd rather not be. It's not like I have anything against Missouri. It's just that I could be in California, or Africa—or home. Missouri pales in comparison to my other options that... weren't really options in the first place.

    My parents sit in the front seat of the minivan, talking about pointless topics to pass the time as they drive us to the airport. Anger bubbles deep in my stomach as the thoughts of their eventful summer swirl in my brain, but I push it down like I do all my other feelings and emotions. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I instinctively brush my fingertips over the cuts on my wrists, making myself wince. There were many that covered my body, many old and some fresh. The two that haunted me were vertical and deep, one on each wrist. It had happened about three months ago, when everything had gotten too much.

    Blinking away the tears that threatened to spill, I refocused my gaze from my parents to the passing scenery. It's the last time I would be home for a few months. I'm being dragged out of my comfort zone so my parents don't have to worry about me, although it's not like they do that much anyways. Feeling sadness beginning to consume me, I knew that it would be a long summer.