love me; parmiga [major editing]

|07| Avoiding My Feelings

07| Avoiding My Feelings

June 27, 2012; 11:00 a.m.

I've officially been here for one week, and this summer has been crazy. I've snuck out, went to a graduation party, and met someone that could possibly be my soul mate. Wow. Like I said, one crazy summer. And it's not even close to being over.

"Hey," Amaya said, waving her hand in front of my face. "Evan's out front. It's time to go." We were going to the lake today. Emma had set it all up. Apparently, she wanted us all to get to know each other better. Whatever. I was really excited- I hadn't been swimming in about a year. I even bought myself a bikini. With my parents credit card, of course. I feel.. sort of happy. I'm happy with Val's shitty cooking. I'm happy with Amaya's craziness. I'm happy with my friendship with Evan. I'm happy that I went to St. Louis.

"Yay!" I squealed, walking out of the house. When I got to the end of my driveway, I saw Emma's car. It was a black.. Jeep? I think? I'm not very good with cars.

"Hey guys." Evan greeted, flashing us a smile. I gave him a little wave, before climbing into the back.

"Sweet ride!" Amaya complimented, admiring Emma's car. "Jeep Wrangler. Awesome."

"You know about cars?" Evan asked, amazed.

"I know a thing or two. My Dad got me interested before.. he left."

"Oh, that's.. nice."

"Anyways," Emma interrupted, "Hop on in, put on your seat belts. We're going to the lake."

June 27, 2012; 1:00 p.m.

The lake seemed like a black void, the sun bouncing off of it's surface. As I tread through the water, I watched as the little fish swam away, scared I would harm them. Little did they know, I wouldn't. I stood there, absorbing the warm rays of the sun.

"You seem to be enjoying this." Evan laughed, wading through the water, and stopping next to me.

"I love nature." I sighed. I loved the way the air smelt. The aroma of sweet flowers on the breeze filled my nostrils.

"Yeah, it is pretty amazing." I went in deeper, and the sand squished in between my toes. I could hear Evan following me.

"Why are you following me?" I asked. "Don't you have a girlfriend you should be giving your attention to? Jeez, I wouldn't want to be dating you. I wouldn't get any attention." I joked.

"She doesn't need my attention. I think she has her fair share." he said, looking up at the shore, where Emma was laying in the sun in a very revealing bathing suit. A few guys were just.. staring. "Oh, and besides. If we would dating, I would give you all of my attention." I smiled at him, but ignored that comment. He's just saying that. He's just jealous of Emma getting a ton of attention. He would never date me.

"Hey!" Amaya screamed, running down the lake, and thankfully breaking the awkward silence between Evan and I. "Watch!" She dived into the lake, and didn't come up.

"Amaya?!" I screeched, running over to the spot where she dived in. It was extremely shallow. Just as I started to panic, I saw her emerge from the water out of the corner of my eye. She was very far away.

"Ta da!" she giggled. She had swam 30 feet in almost 30 seconds.

"Amaya! Don't do that again. If I come home with your dead, drowned body, Val will punish me by forcing me to eat her cooking. And I will find you, and kill you- AGAIN!" I yelled, with a huge smile on my face. She giggled, before going back under the water. I looked up at the shore, and Emma wasn't there. Where could she have gone? I looked for Evan in the water, but didn't see him there either. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach.

I walked out of the water, shaking. Why am I nervous? They're a couple. Whatever. They can do whatever they want. As I walked farther up the shore, I calmed myself down. I get so.. riled up whenever I picture Emma and Evan together. They just don't seem right together. I need to sit down. As I entered a little shack they had by the lake, my wet, bare feet pattered against the ground, which echoed in the empty room. I went into the girls room, and the first thing I heard made my stomach churn.

A moan. And I know who it came from. Emma. I pictured the whole situation in my mind. I wanted to throw up. I turned around, and ran. Out of the beach house, away from the lake, back to the Jeep. Emma's Jeep. I emptied out the contents of my stomach in the woods. I understood why I always got so riled up. I was jealous. I was freaking jealous of Evan and Emma. I knew why, too. I liked Evan. I guess I had a crush on him. Evan, who I've only known for a week. I feel something with him. A sense of serenity, of peace. I feel calm with him- happy. But, I have to ignore these feelings. For his and Emma's sake. I couldn't ruin their relationship.