Two Weeks in Europe ✓

35

Jamie pressed a light kiss to Cas's forehead as he rolled out of bed. Today, they were going to see the famed windmills at Kinderdijk. Cas grumbled, clearly disgruntled at the loss of Jamie's warmth, his eyes fluttering open. Jamie's cheeks pinked with the memory of all that had happened last night after their discussion. A smirk curled the corners of Cas's lips up. "I'm gonna shower," Jamie said, walking backwards towards the bathroom.

"Let me know if you need any Advil," Cas said, laughter flickering in his eyes. Jamie glared at him good-naturedly, shutting the bathroom door. The water was warm on Jamie's body, the way skin had been several hours before. I don't know about you, Jamie, but this was always forever for me, Cas had said. Jamie had stared at him, heart pounding in his chest. Cas gazed right back, fiddling with one of the many silver rings that adorned his fingers, waiting for Jamie to say something.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jamie had choked out.

Half of Cas's mouth curved in a smile. "What do you think it means?"

Jamie's mouth was dry. "I don't know."

"I think you do," Cas said, standing up and closing up the finished containers of takeout. Jamie felt as though he was frozen. Cas glanced at Jamie as he tossed them into the trash. "I know that I sound crazy," he said after a moment, running a hand over his curls. "But love makes people do crazy things."

"You aren't in love with me," Jamie replied, because that would make things so much more complicated.

Cas shrugged. "What is love, really?" he asked. That was a good question. Was it giving someone the pieces of your heart? Was it dying for someone? Was it caring for someone more than you cared for yourself? Or was love perhaps the thrilling spark that passed between two hands when they touched, the warm feeling that sends tingles down to your toes when you see that person smile, the knowledge that you would do anything and everything to have a chance to hear those three words back? I love you. Jamie had never said it to Cas, and had never heard it returned to him. I love you too.

And perhaps he was a little scared of it. Of what that would mean. Because that would mean that this was not a free trial, with no strings attached, it was a free trial that would turn into a lifetime subscription. Caspian Roux had caught his heart, had entangled Jamie in his web, had stolen his soul, perhaps on that summer afternoon in the rose gardens when they had first kissed, and had never given it back.

What did that mean for Jamie? Would he never find love unless it was in Cas's embrace? Would he go home to a man who loved him deeply and know that his own heart was a hollow shell if Cas was not there to fill it with his laughter and his joy? Where had Jamie gone wrong? Was he overcomplicating this matter? He was aware that he had been silent for a very long time. Cas was standing in front of Jamie, and he very gently brought their lips together.

Jamie stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying off. He glanced in the mirror, running a hand through his (soggy) hair. Jamie pulled open the door. Cas was talking on the phone to someone heatedly, facing away from the bathroom. Jamie stopped dead, caught between wanting to eavesdrop and making his presence known to Cas. He settled on eavesdropping (with guilt pinching at him) and stepped back into the bathroom, closing the door most of the way. He peered out through the crack, listening hard.

"...don't need to--" Cas was saying. He was cut off by the person on the other side (who Jamie couldn't hear). Cas let out a frustrated groan. "Shut up! Just shut up! You can't tell me what to fucking--" Cas paused. "I don't care!" He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't need to take them, I'm just fine!" Cas was quiet for a moment. "It's not about that," he said, his voice quiet. "I will! Later. Later!" Cas exclaimed again into the phone, hanging up. He dropped his face into a hand, standing up and tossing something onto the bed.