Two Weeks in Europe ✓

47

TW: mentions of suicide

The string quartet that had been hired for the ceremony played beautifully as they practiced for the ceremony. It was going to start in a few hours. Cas had dug through all of his drawers, searched his entire room, but he couldn't find the bottle of pills. He was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, head in his hands, when Lina walked in. "What's wrong?" she asked immediately.

"I can't find the pills," Cas replied. "The one time I'll voluntarily take them and I can't find them. Amelie's going to be thrilled."

Lina snorted, sitting down beside him. "I'm sure she brought some extras."

"Yeah," Cas sighed. He flopped down on his back, linking his hands behind his head. "Jamie came in here two days ago."

Lina stilled completely. "Why?"

"Amelie sent him," Cas answered, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. It still hurt to think about Jamie.

"Oh," Lina said. "Okay."

"We have to get ready," Cas said, though he made no move to get up from where he lay.

"Yeah," Lina agreed. She stood up, holding out a hand and pulling Cas to his feet. "At least pretend to be a little excited today, for the sake of the guests." Cas nodded. "You know," Lina said, biting her lip as she opened the door, "there's still time to call it off." Cas raised his eyebrows. "We haven't signed anything yet," Lina explained. "If you really don't want to do this, it's okay."

"I made a promise," Cas said, doing his best to keep his voice light.

"Sometimes, promises need to be broken," Lina replied vaguely. She left the room, shutting the door. Cas undressed, putting on the dark blue suit laid out on his bed. The reality of what he was doing hit him in the face as he buttoned up his shirt, and he sat down on the bed. Did Cas really want this? The door opened again - it seemed that Cas could never find any peace - and Luc stepped in.

Cas stiffened immediately, rising to his feet. Luc picked his way across the messy floor to his son. Cas watched him warily. At last, Luc reached him. He held out a hand. Cas eyed it for a moment, before giving it a firm shake. "Congratulations," Luc said. Cas swallowed. "You finally grew up." Of course there had to be some sort of backhanded compliment. "Your mother would be proud." Luc reached out and clapped Cas on the shoulder. Cas flinched ever so slightly. "See you out there," Luc said. He walked back to the door, smiling as he exited the room.

Cas blew out a long breath. Your mother would be proud. Cas shook his head. Lilyanne wouldn't have been proud. Cas strode to the door, locking it, before pulling open the drawer of his desk and taking out the little notebook. It was almost completely full, though there were several empty pages in the back that Lilyanne never got to write in. Cas flipped to the page that he had dog-eared, eyes scanning the words one last time. It was signed at the bottom in Lilyanne's curling scrawl Lilyanne Aubert.

Cas had never known most of his mother's family. It was common knowledge that Lilyanne wasn't close with them, and had never wished to be. Neither Luc nor Cas knew much about Lilyanne's life before her marriage. Cas had researched enough, however, to know that Aubert was not a family name. His last semester of high school in France had been spent feverishly analyzing family trees and old letters, looking through diary entries and the old journals, all to find out where that name had come from.

He had found his answer amongst the pages of this little notebook, hidden away in a box of Lilyanne's things. He had found the answer in a few lines about a man named Theo Aubert. Perhaps I made the wrong choice in marrying Luc. Perhaps that is what has caused my unhappiness since the exchanging of vows. If you find this someday, Theo, know that I have taken your name as a reminder. I will find you again someday. But she had not. She had passed away, leaving Cas with a man that Lilyanne had not ever found it in her heart to truly love. Did Cas want a life of unhappiness like that one? There's still time to call it off, Lina had said. There was. But what alternative did Cas have?