My Lucky Penny

Remorse is the Poison of Life

Penny sat with her sleeping father, trying and failing to complete her back work. She had been having this horrible pit in her stomach for a few days. Something awful was about to happen.

"You know what I..." her father croaked, making both her and Gilbert look up.

Penny began to stand up. "Can I get you something?" she asked. At her father's raised hand, she sat back down.

"You know what was the best thing about getting sick?" he asked. "Traveling west again."

Penny smiled softly. "I wish I could have gone with you both."

"I'll fetch you some tea," Mrs. Kincannon, who had entered to bring fresh clothes, offered before walking to the kitchen.

"The train," their father continued. "God, I love a train. And those Rocky Mountains."

"They're amazing," Gilbert agreed halfheartedly.

"Did my heart good. It's a big world, kids. Remember that."

As he fell back asleep, Penny and Gilbert exchanged a glance. She reached over and squeezed her brother's hand, knowing they were thinking the same thing.

•••

The next day, Penny simply sat in the barn, completely unable to do her chores. From the moment she woke up, the pit in her stomach had formed into a massive hole and she had been fighting the urge to throw up all day.

Proving her instincts correct, an urgent call was carried to the siblings by the wind.

"Penny!" came Mrs. Kincannon's distraught cry. "Gilbert!"

The two immediately looked up. They didn't so much as look at each other before scrambling to their feet and bolting to the house.

Their father died before they could say goodbye.

•••

Penny had always hated funerals. She had even told Gilbert multiple times that when she died, she did not want such a gathering. What were the benefits? To make loved ones even more devastated?

She and Gilbert had already attended the funerals of all of their siblings, and as they followed the casket towards the cemetery with the pastor and a small group of family friends following, she began to doubt why people even form relationships. Everyone dies eventually, anyway.

However, she kept a tight grasp on Gilbert's hand, fearing that if she let go, she would join her passed family.

Once at the burial sight, everyone listened as the pastor recited the Bible.

"Let not your heart be troubled. Ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my father's house are many mansions. If it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself, for where I am, there ye may be also."

As the prayer finished and everyone began to head to the Blythe residence, Penny and Gilbert were unable to follow. The latter went and sat down on the bench while Penny stayed rooted in her place, staring at the mound of dirt that would forever conceal her father.

Finally, she forced herself to move to her brother.

Putting her hand on his shoulder, she whispered, "I'm going to head to the reception. You can stay here if you'd like. One of us should be there for everyone."

Without looking at her, he gave a stiff nod as she kissed the top of his head.

Kneeling at her father's grave, she pressed a kiss to the mound with her hand.

"I hope you're traveling, dad," she murmured affectionately.

A lump in her throat, she headed to the reception.

•••

Penny had never been good at forced conversation. Blythes had a reputation for listening more than they talked, but Penny had become much better at doing so. However, in the middle of a seemingly packed living room during her father's funeral, she felt she was all the way back at square one when it came to pleasantries.

Thankfully, she wasn't exactly needing to approach anyone considering every single person sought her out to give her their half-baked condolences. She knew it was rude to assume the guests weren't being sincere, but what she did know was that at least a quarter of the guests had not spoken to her father more than twice. Even Ruby, who had only met him once briefly, was dabbing at her eyes.

Penny found herself staying within close proximity to Marilla and Matthew, the former in particular. Though she didn't know every detail, she did know that Marilla was her father's first love. That little bit of knowledge was able to bring Penny a thin blanket of comfort.

Gilbert did not return home until all the guests had left, though Penny didn't exactly believe that his presence would have made her feel less alone.

In fact, at that very moment, she felt as if she was the only one in the world.

•••

Breakfast was such an unromantic affair.

At least, it was now that Penny and Gilbert no longer had a father to feed. It was all they could muster to sit in silence at the table and stare at their cold porridge. Ever since the funeral, only a handful of words had been exchanged between the siblings.

"Penny?" Gilbert voiced, adding to that small number. She looked over at him in surprise. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Alright," she replied slowly, a little nervous.

Before he could say anything, the two jumped slightly at a knock on the door.

Penny sighed. "I'll get it."

Standing up, she went over to the door to reveal Anne, Diana, and Ruby, a basket in the latter's hand.

Quickly smoothing out her dress, she greeted, "Oh, hello."

All three of them refusing to speak, Ruby stuck out the basket. Confused, Penny reached in and took out a beautifully decorated dish. Removing the top revealed shepherd's pie.

"We're sorry to intrude," Ruby spoke up, mainly addressing Gilbert. "But we wanted you to have that."

"We're sorry for your loss," Diana added.

"Thank you," Penny breathed, setting the food down on the table.

"It's a shepherd's pie," Ruby clarified. "We made it together especially for you both."

"Thank you," Gilbert echoed forcefully. Once again, the Blythes weren't particularly social people, especially in mourning.

"We hope you like shepherd's pie," Diana iterated.

"Everyone likes shepherd's pie," Ruby told Diana with forced politeness before returning her attention sweetly. "We hope it's a comfort to you, Gilbert and Penny."

Penny could tell Gilbert was uncomfortable under Ruby's stare.

"Anne made the topping," Diana added, finally referring to the uncharacteristically quiet redhead in the back. "She's a good cook."

"But I would make a terrible wife," Anne blurted out directly to Gilbert, making him recoil in confusion.

After a moment of painful silence, Anne bolted out the door in the snowy outside.

Finally, Gilbert cleared his throat and stood up. "Well, thank you for stopping by."

The two remaining girls took the cue and headed out.

Penny turned to her brother. "Well, that was odd."

He nodded. "To say the least," he agreed.

She sighed and sat back down. "Now what is it you wanted to tell me?"

Gilbert wrung his hands nervously for a moment, letting Penny know it was something serious.

Finally, he admitted, "I'm going to try to get a job at the docks in Charlottetown. After that, hopefully a steamer. I need to get out of Avonlea."