My Safe Place

6/17/21

You told me to listen to that song one time. It's now my comfort song and I listen to it when I miss you, which seems like it's all the time. I can't text you because you don't have service, but I want to constantly. I hear that song and think of times we were together; every memory I have of you and I. I don't care if people say I care too much. I don't care if people say I'm "too clingy". You are one of my best friends, and no matter how you respond to this (if you see it) I can honestly say that I love you. I know people will say that I'm too young to understand love, but I also know I would die for you if nessecary. You mean the world to me and that won't change. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep, and the lasting memory throughout the day. I really miss you. I never stop missing you. I can spend my entire day or even week with you and I'd still miss you the second you were gone.

I'm trying to continue going to church whilst you're away, but I know it will be hard if no one else goes. I can't be alome because of my anxiety, and I've talked to you about that. You helped me and still talked me into going, without questioning whether it was real or not like some people have.I don't want to stop going because I don't know when I'd go again.

I feel safe around you, too. Maybe that's why it wasn't too hard for me to go back to church when you wanted me to.I can't even explain how that feels. If I were to try to explain it though, I would say that I feel like you would protect me and that I'm less likely to have something happen to me when you're around.

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A few days ago I typed this into my notes:

Everything has turned upside down at the moment. I said I wanted pet mice, which I have already talked to you about, but no one wants anything to do with it. Everyone is either getting annoyed at the research I've done, or making fun of me for trying to get something I want. No one will even just listen to me and the one person who would listen and actually care about what I say is you. But I can't text you about it because you're gone for work and don't have service. Of course the time I need you, you're not here for me. I don't blame you obviously, but I still want you here. You wouldn't make fun of how I feel or get mad at me for explaining everything I know abiut mice as pets. You would help me to feel better. I really need you here. I miss you so much.

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You don't know how much I am wishing to see you're nickname pop up on my phone screen.(In my contacts your name is 'Unicorn')

I talk about you all the time, to the point where most everyone around me is probably tired of it. I just really miss you, and you never leave my mind.

I wish you were able to be with me for my birthday on Sunday, and on Tuesday when I get my braces off. I'm going to the beach next week as well and there will probably be somethjnd that happens I'll want to talk to you about.

But I guess these things will just give me something to talk about at camp. I kinda wish I could sit with you on the way to camp, but that probably won't happen. Either way, though, I know we will hang out at camp and it will still be fun.

Anyway, If you do happen to ready this, thank you for allowing me to trust and open up to you. Right now there are only 2 people I've truly opened up to: you and Raquel. It's hard to trust people and I'm glad I know I can trust you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for everything.