Her Name is Memory

16| fresh start

Chapter 16

She smile. Clear as the sky and luminance like fire
It reaches her eyes 
And they sparkle something wild

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

"I LOVE THAT SONG," Elise said, interrupting me for the first time today after sitting silently since I arrived. 

My fingers froze on the guitar. 

"What?" 

"Yesterday. It's a good song," she clarified, giving me a smile before returning back to her drawing. 

My fingers pressed on the string, in the right position to keep playing the tune that was running in my head all day. But my mind seemed more interested in the person in front of me. A piece of her hair was tucked behind her ear, and she was bitting on her lower lip as her pen danced across the page. Her eyes slightly narrowed at the page as she sketched and she was humming Yesterday with no care in the world. 

She is better at art than singing. Her humming was very off tune, and if my choir teacher heard it, he would've had a fit. 

Though she was horrifyingly out of tune, I prefer her singing over mine any day. 

She looked up at the sky for a moment, contemplating, before she returned her attention onto the paper. I was about to return to playing the guitar when Elise's blue eyes caught his. 

"Aren't you going to return playing?" she asked curiously. 

I tried to act natural as I propped my guitar closer to my body. 

Nice one, moron.

"Sounds like you enjoy my little tunes," I joked, looking down at the guitar. 

"Maybe. Don't stop," she said.

I looked up at her expression. Her eyes were oddly bright, like she really meant it when she enjoyed my playing. A smile graced her lips, encouraging me to way. Knots were forming into my chest. 

My fingers suddenly felt heavy. My brain was forcing it to do it, like it did just did before but the old feelings came back. 

I froze. 

Elise's smile melted away. 

"Are you okay?" she asked. 

"Yeah," I responded. Elise placed her sketchbook on the side. "What are you doing?" 

"I can tell something is bothering you. You make this face like you're thinking," she pointed out. 

I didn't know how long she noticed that or what I looked like but I hoped it wasn't as obvious as she was making it out to be. 

"I can't play," I admitted. Elise's eyes soften. She didn't say anything, waiting for me to explain what I was referring to. "Sometimes when I play...I just start to feel numb. Then I try to concentrate more on the music and then I just eventually freeze. It started when I moved here." 

It started when Mom died. It was the first time I felt the numb feeling. Feeling nothing in your body but feeling everything in your mind like it was too much for your body to handle to begin with. 

She nodded with understanding. 

"I kind of like the numb feeling," Elise admitted, her fingers playing with the ends of her hair. "That's why I love art. I always have so many thoughts and feelings in my head, but when I draw or paint, everything just goes quiet. I don't have to force it out of me."