Her Name is Memory

30| blurry vision

Chapter 30

It's been a couple of months
Being alone
Surrounded by everyone

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

NOT WORRYING ABOUT ELISE WAS EASY ENOUGH WHEN THERE IS A SCREAMING BABY IN THE HOUSE.

Even pressing my pillows over my head and being locked away in my room was defenseless against the baby's cries down the hall. It was time to accept that it was not going to change. I pushed off my sheets with a frustrated groan and left my room to see Camila in the hallway with the baby.  

"Sorry Nate. Marco won't stop crying," she groaned, her eyes fluttering shut. 

The first thing I noticed was how exhausted she looked, cradling the baby in one hand hand and a filled bottle in the other. The bags under her eyes resembled my own. Her dark hair was in a loose bun with streaks of hair falling over her face. 

"I can get her," Dad came from behind with a tiresome yaw, taking the baby from her. He rocked the baby, muttering something under his breath to him. After a few moments, the cries turned into quiet whimpers as his eyes slowly closed. He rocked the baby a bit more before he entered his room to put the baby down. 

Camila followed behind. When I entered the room, I took a good look at his room for the first time. 

It didn't look anything special. The walls were white and the only things in his room was a chest, night stand and a bed in the center. Mom was the one that usually added decorations and brought the room to life, and it showed. 

With the baby falling asleep, I watched Carlos and Dad talk about the old days, laughing at Dad's comment. 

My eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure out what was funny. His words seemed plain and unoriginal. It felt cheap to me, like he was trying to pull a sentimental smile on our faces and laugh at old times.

But it was fake. A tune that was artificially created with no richness or depth.

When I found Mom, Dad and Carlos were gone from the apartment and Camila and her husband moved out to Connecticut. It was always just me. 

My eyes squeezed tightly when I thought about day. The dread washed over me. Memories moved quickly. First was me looking for and then seeing that her room was a mess. I should've looked at the ajar bathroom first and maybe I didn't have to find her-

No. 

I abruptly walked towards Dad's window to look out and not at them. They were too absorbed in their conversation for them to comment on any changes so I leaned on the windowsill, took in the sun beams filtering through the window, and looked outside. It was sunny, which began to be my favorite weather because it meant I could go outside. My eyes fell onto someone who was outside. 

Elise. 

She tossed the trash in the back before returning back into the house. I watched her until she was out of sight again. This has been my new habit since she since she didn't respond to my last message three days ago and the days prior to that. With everything I spoke to about David, I wanted to give her space because she's going through a lot at home. 

But I couldn't help but think what about what I wanted as well. I hated how I was always worrying with no sign of anything. I didn't want to bother her but she didn't text me either, and I hated wallowing in my own pity like this. 

"I'm going to head out for a bit. Okay?" I announced suddenly, turning towards my family. 

Everyone turned around with surprised looks, and I felt shame. I didn't speak like this in New York. Carlos went back to looking at the photos while Dad looked at me with slight confusion. I avoided eye contact with Camila, whose narrow eyes were trying to read me.