Her Name is Memory

13| shattered pieces

Chapter 13

I'm finding my place again
Guess I know that looking from the outside
is the best i can do

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

"ARE YOU SURE WE ARE GOOD?"

"I'm telling you. I'm fine."

"You are positive?"

"If you keep asking me, I won't be," I snapped back at David.

David felt bad after making me sing publicly. He texted me to make sure I was home, and called me the following morning after the incident. I appreciated the kind notice but David has been going beyond what was necessary.

"Sorry. Just making sure," he said.

I put a hand up.

"Don't worry. I'm really okay."

Despite the fact I didn't really hold it against him, guilt was clearly etched on his features. After the party, I went straight home and laid on my bed the entire night- not even taking the time to change into my pajamas. The idea of getting up after that night was too much. I felt drained and just wanted to recharge.

"Really?" he asked.

Thinking about my small breakdown only brought embarrassment to me, so I spent most of the time trying not to think about it. So the faster David dropped the topic, the faster I can focus on the present.

"Don't worry. You were just having fun. We are suppose to have fun," I insisted. I didn't hold anything against David since he was just trying to have fun. My friends would've done the exact same thing in New York.

My mouth dried when I realized I said the same sentence to Mom. I was trying to reason with her after sneaking out late to a party with Esteban, Javier, and few other friends from high school when she wanted me home that specific night.

Mom rolled her eyes before whopping my ass.

My heart ached at the sudden memory.

"You know I thought you were a party type of guy, city boy."

I snorted. "Why? You think I'm boring?"

He laughed. "No. Just wondering about city parties. Be honest, what's the craziest thing you have done?"

I held back a scoff. It was amusing, but sucked, to hear that was how David thought about me. Calling the guys from home reminded me how much I changed since Mom died. I felt like a different person at times.

I speak about me in New York like it was a separate person, when in reality, it was the same person inside me. How carefree I use to be to how exhausted I was now. Laying on the bed in the night, thinking about how I found Mom's body. How little sleep I get that leaves me barely able to function properly.

"I have my moments," I said in an unconvincing tone. David leaned on the counter with a stupid grin.

"Such as..." David trailed off.

My mind rummaged the most and stupid thing I have done. Being in the city made me prone to do stupid things and I definitely did some stupid things. My mind immediately thought of going to house parties would be acceptable, but that didn't seem common.