Her Name is Memory

01| the promise

CHAPTER 1

"I woke up that day,
You were not around.
I thought you will be back soon,
but you never returned."

- Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

RELOCATING HUNDREDS OF MILES away from my friends and family was difficult.

Leaving my mother's grave, however, was a killer.

The sun was spilling through the car window, stinging my tired eyes. The feeling that was present in my chest since I lost her: painful and everlasting.

Rather than fighting this feeling, I greeted it like an old friend. It was thing that was pulling me away from reality. It was the only thing which allowed me to cope with finding my mom's body on the day she died. It was the only reason I could give a speech at her funeral days later without my voice wavering or breaking down. It was the only thing which allowed me to look over her belongings without wanting to throw them far from my line of sight.

The feeling in my chest has been there since Dad's sudden announcement a month ago that we were going to Alabama.

"We can't just leave her behind," I spoke for the first time.

Dad looked over to me briefly before returning his focus back onto the road. Despite his lack of a response, his knuckles whitened, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Since Mom's death, our relationship had diminished to a few words and brief nods. His frown became more obvious, and his breathing became more laborious than mine at the mention of her. 

"She would've wanted this," he finally responded in a resigned voice, rubbing his right eye tiredly.

He had been driving through most of the night. I knew this because like him, I was unable to sleep over the situation. When I had offered to take over, he refused.

Dad was normally a reserved man, but I'd never heard silence quite this loud before.

Besides, this was the first time since leaving New York we had a conversation.

His brief response was ebbing away my ability to remain composed. Feeling tears pricking my eyes, I turned my head away. I studied the countryside, struggling to take few normal breaths and attempting to distract myself.

"I still can't believe Mom is gone," I stated again, still struggling to comprehend the loss of her presence. Saying my Mom died still felt weird on my tongue, even though I had months to mentally prepare for that statement.

Dad nodded faintly.

Cancer did more than kill her. It sucked the life out of her until it left her for dead. It dissolved our family into a series of fights before it all fell into a permanent silence.

The thing no one tells about cancer and death is that the casualties were more than just her.

"I know son. It's hard," he simply responded, his eyes focused on the road.

I frowned at his terse response.

Her life was taken away viciously, and his response was to move far away from everything we knew.He couldn't know what Mom had wanted. They had been fighting daily near the end of her time.

"Why are we going to Alabama of all places?" I huffed with annoyance, even though I knew the answer to my own question.

Make me understand. Explain to me how you could make us leave everything behind was what I wanted to ask him, but I refrained, knowing there was nothing he could say that could make me understand his decision. He did not give much of a reason when he made the announcement, just simply entering my room to say it like he was talking about the weather before silently slipping away.