Her Name is Memory

08| clear stars

Chapter 8

"Time moves so slowly
And the highs never made me so much weaker
So why does it feel like freedom?"

- Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

CHURCH WAS TODAY'S TRIGGER.

It is always something new. Something so trivial that a normal person would not even focus on was the source of my inability to function for the day. Yesterday, it was finding the fridge empty because Mom usually was the one who stocked it. The day before, it was hearing a song that Mom use to dance to in the kitchen.

Today, it was Abuela inviting me to do to church with her, a tradition she did every Sunday regardless of where she lived. Mom was the one who would make my family go. I was sitting with my family, silently listening to the words the Pastor said. His words ringing about family and love, and right away, I felt my breaths becoming sharper. My heart felt like a restless beast breaking out of my chest.

Then the images of Mom appeared in my mind.

Once again, I was not able to fall asleep at night.

So I did the thing every time I laid at bed late at night: I put on my shoes and went for a run.

There was something about running in the night. Especially in Alabama, it was so quiet outside, in the dead of night. But it was so loud up in my head, matching the darkness of the night and forgetting what it felt like to have light inside.

"¡Mierda!"

Yelling in Spanish was the first sound I made after thirty-minutes of running in silence. My body collapsed into the ground after colliding by a large object. My hands stuck out in attempt to hold myself up. I hissed slightly the pain from gravel biting into my palms.

I pulled myself up, feeling suddenly lightheaded.

I heard a soft groan in the distance.

"Are you okay?" I asked, turning to look at the figure on the ground.

The person was a girl was on her knees, breathing heavily. Though dark, I could faintly make out her hands clutched tightly to her chest. She took a few shaky before she looked up at me.

"Elise?" I asked with shock.

"Yankee?" she wheezed, looking down at the ground with every gasp she shook. "Who even runs this late in the night?"

I went down on my knees, my hands landing on her slender shoulders. Elise flinched from my touch, but I gripped them tighter. Her head was hung low, her heaves becoming louder and more urgent. Her usually scent was masked by the smell of alcohol.

"I could ask you the same."

I listened to her inhale and exhale first a little shaky before it began to slow down. Every breath becoming more even. She lifted her face and her blue eyes were now rimmed red, never once wavering from my own.

"Are you okay, princesa?" I whispered, almost afraid the question will make her break.

She nodded.

"Yeah, Yankee. You just took me a little off guard."

My lips tingled from her breath on my face. An unfamiliar sensation rushed through my body and forced me to jerk back. I let go her and pulled myself up before sticking out my hand for her. She reached for my hand slowly, wrapping her fingers around my own. I ignored her soft fingers that only radiated in warmth when she pulled herself up.

"Thanks for helping me up," she said, holding her chest and breathing deeply. Her hair was tussled from the fall. Her body still seemed stiff like it was set in stone.