Her Name is Memory

12| empty void

Chapter 12

The pain is the same
Nothing's changed
I closed my eyes and she was gone

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

"WHAT SONG ARE YOU PLAYING?"

My fingers paused on the guitar strings, and my eyes looked up to Elise's inquisitive face.

"What?"

She gestured to the guitar with a color pencil.

"You have been playing the same song for the past few days. What is it?" she asked curiously.

I blinked.

I didn't even think she noticed.

"Do you know Selena Quintanilla?" I asked. Elise shook her head no."She was a very famous Spanish singer back in the day."

I did not expect her to know her, but I was surprised that she was listening intently like she cared. I kept my smile in check, mostly because I shouldn't be feeling so giddy that she cared. It shouldn't be a big deal. It wasn't a big deal.

Talking about Mexican stuff to non-Mexican people always make me uneasy, mostly because I couldn't tell if they actually cared what I said.

But she looked like she did.

"Oh. I maybe I should listen to her then," she commented, flashing a quick smile before turning down to her art. She peered up to face me and just seeing her eyes again made me smile like an idiot. I learned back against the tree and continued the tune on the guitar.

I wondered about her and Jackson again, like I had in the recent days.

I was conflicted by how much I cared. Jackson was nice, but he just seemed...there. I was curious if she found me attractive. I was almost positive from the drawing and the admission but I was not positive what she thinks about me.

Was she indifferent about me like she was to Jackson?

Thinking about Jackson's comments made me grimace. I knew it's not right to ask her since we only knew each other for a week or so, but I couldn't stop thinking about the idea of them together.

"Are you going to the party tonight?" I asked her.

"What party?"

I shrugged.  "Your sister  invited me for a party tonight. I don't know anyone though, so you should come."

I watched her eyes widen, her pencil grip tightly at the pencil.

"You know Angela?" she asked with hesitation.

Angela texted me the information for the party tonight, and there was a part of me that did not want to go. Nothing changed, but as the time began to come closer, I felt suddenly exhausted to go. The frustration only grew because it was before everything went to shit, I would've gone out without any hesitation; I didn't know why I can be...normal.

I nodded.

"Yeah she introduced herself to me when I moved in," I mentioned casually, feeling relieved to have told Elise. "But we aren't really close or anything. She probably thinks I'm bored."

She nodded, her eyes narrowing slightly in thought.

"I think I know what party you're talking about," Elise finally said. "It's not my type of party."

"What's your type of party then?" I asked her, suddenly becoming disappointed that she probably wasn't coming.

She shrugged, making some light drawing marks on her sketchbook. "I don't know how to say it in words."