*When you are in a young woman's meet for your church and your teacher says "your future husband's" and you were waiting for the "and wives" but then remember you are all girls and everyone else is straight*
*When you are pointing out every pride flag you see while driving around in June but then realize you may or may not be outing yourself by being this excited but then also realize that your parents are kind of used to you talking about gay stuff and still think your straight* I'm in vacation in Utah so there are some. There definitely aren't any of Dhaka.
*When both you and your brother are supposed to get new phones and laptops but the phones got shipped one at a time a week apart and Costco only had 1 laptop in stock and your older brother got both of them*
*When you remember the time you and your 3 brothers accidentally broke your cousin's swing set which was too small for everyone anyway and heard your grandma whisper too your mom while walking home "well we said they would all be too heavy."
"They should have been paying attention, it's their fault." And other kind of hurtful stuff she thought you couldn't hear from the back of the group and how you felt like a burden to society for the next few days.*(but I love you grandma.❤️)
*When you tell your mom your weight for clothing reasons and she goes "really girl!?!?" And your heart drops and you suddenly feel very self-conscious until she finishes with "you're supposed to be my little girl, and now you've got all this stuff like periods, bras, and height! You're not allowed to grow up!" And makes you laugh*
*When you want to come out as bi to one of your friends but you just got back from a YW's camp with them and had held up blankets for other girls to get dressed behind, you did not look, you would never. But you are afraid that they'll think you did look, think you're disgusting, tell other people, and no one will ever talk to you again. Even though they're not that kind of person.*
*When you finally come out to your lesbian friend as bi and gush over your gay crush from YW's camp and her cottage core, pretty-much-gf-but-doesn't-realize-it for an hour before talking about anime instead.*(but literally they're pretty much dating already. Her crush is always stealing her hoodies, they cuddle when sitting on a couch together, they are just so frickin' ADORABLE)
*When you download a Kagehina fanfic but when you actually open it to start reading you realize only 5 of the chapters are written on with only like 2 sentances each, and you won't be on wifi for the next week and can't do anything about it.* (But I can still write.)
*When you finally get your laptop after your brother but a bit of a different model, and realize it doesn't fold back like his so you can't draw all that stuff you had saved in a Pinterest board and waited for and had added a stylus in your cart for it not to be able to FREAKING, FOLD ANY MORE BACKWARDS!!!!!*
*When you and your older brother had made up a joke like "no homo" "what are you then, an (other kind of human that's now extinct)?" Bc HOMOsapians. And you were bored one day and making a gacha character that was decked out in bi flags and colors and he just said(from the other side of the table.). "Hey Abbie, what are you a (extinct human)?" And now you think he's on to you. . .* I don't know how to say or spell the name of that kind of human though.
*When your brother starts watching what he eats and starts limiting himself to 1 sugary thing everyday and it makes you realize how horrible your eating habits really are and you feel even more fat than usual. And you were just starting to get a bit more confident.*
*When you are already hormonal and moody and then your brother starts being pessimistic about where you're living and talking about how you had to leave your friends behind and how you are almost the only white people there when walking down the street (I'm not trying to be racist, I'm just saying we get a bit of attention bc of it.) and everyone is staring at you making your anxiety go haywire, and even just little things like not having backyards which are very fun and important to play in in Utah and you start crying but try to hold it in bc your dad has been wanting to take you guys abroad for forever so you don't want to make him think that you are miserable and want to move back bc that would break his heart so you are now very thankful that your glasses are transition glasses and they were sunglasses bc you were talking about this when walking home from the park so he can't see your eyes. But then you feel even more horrible for thinking about yourself bc your brother was actually really depressed last year and still gets like that sometimes so you don't know what to do and it makes you cry even harder. And then you realize how thirsty you are from crying and from not having a drink of water almost all day.* (I'm sorry, that one was long.)
The last 4 have been about my older brother (sorry Ian).
*When your family goes to the pool but you are on your period and this one has been a lot worse than others (heavier, more mood swings, more cramps, etc.) So you can't swim but they are going to go to Costco right after the pool and you want/have to go with them there. So you come and basically just sit at a table on the outside fenced-in part of the indoor pool building and read fanfiction the whole time.*
*When one night you were reading a Haikyuu fanfic and Oikawa starts describing the autumn weather/setting and you start to sob bc fall is your favorite season and you don't really have that in Bangladesh and then write a really long comment about it and could barely see your keyboard you were sobbing so much*
*When your brother is pushing you on a tree swing and you start to go sideways so he says "just a minute, I need to straighten you out." And you can't help but mutter "that'll be hard."*
*When your family watches Luca and after you ask your older brother if you were the only one who saw it as if Alberto was jealous of the human girl because he was gay for Luca(yeah that's how I saw it) and he said "yes, you are the only one who thought that, your side of the internet is very gay."*
*When (you remember when) you were at camp and you were walking over to a table and saw your gay crush holding your gal friend's hand and ofc you get a bit jealous but then you get closer and realize that they are both actually playfully digging their nails into each other's hands and not just holding them and you are actually kind of proud of both of them*
*When you call (this book) the "surprise book" bc your mom says that your family doesn't have secrets, they have surprises and you are probably going to show her this book after coming out (whenever that's gonna be) so there are no secrets in here, just surprises*
*When you were walking home from church and you see a rock that someone had painted a rainbow on so you point it out and then like a second later you hear your mom to her friend say "yeah, Abbie's had a bit of a rainbow obsession lately. Also with the LGBTQ thing." And you are just kind of standing there while everyone is staring at you while you are trying to change the subject and the finally you start talking to your gal friend about how we could replace cars with unicorns and your older brother is being a nerd and saying how it won't work* (Also, when I pointed out the rock he leaned in and whispered to me "seems kinda gay." With a smirk on his face.)
*When you realize that this chapter is already 1441 words and you should really just publish it*
(Wow, that's an anagram if that's the right word. Also it's now 1455 words)
