The Outsiders Headcannons

Friends with Benefits- Dallas Winston (angst)

It didn't matter if you wanted to be more. Because more would mean late-night phone calls and cuddles. 
     More was something intangible, just out of your grasp. More was something you could dream of in secrecy and never keep.
     Besides, this was perfect. And why ruin such a perfect thing? Dal was good at what he did. He knew how to satisfy both of you and wasn't it him that was always kind enough to drive you home?
     The gang knew. Of course they knew. It's why no one else was allowed to make a move on you, why no one else even considered you that way. Maybe it should have stung, even pissed you off maybe. But some part of you liked knowing that no one -- not any soc nor Sodapop and his dreamy good looks, or even wily Steve or perhaps careless Two-Bit -- liked that you were Dally's girl.
     Only you weren't really Dallys girl.
     At first, you liked it. Knowing that you were spoken for while also knowing that you didn't have to seriously consider Dally's feelings about you.
    It didn't happen all at once. It started when you realized how domestic it all seemed. You showering at his place, wearing his clothes whenever you stayed the night. He would even grab you a muffin or toast in the mornings.
     He was beautiful and devilish and you hated him.
     How dare he look at you like that when it was him who decided that nothing more. And how dare he flirt with Cherry Valance like it was nothing.
     How dare he break your heart.
     But that's the thing, you suppose. It didn't happen all at once. Like loving him did, the heartbreak crept up on you silently, then all at once.
     It happened in early mornings when he didn't bother to say goodbye when he left. It happened on late nights when you only heard from him if he wanted to hook up. It happened when he didn't remember your birthday or the colour of your eyes even though you had memorized every detail about him that you could.
     And it happened when he told you to come sleep with him, and you finally said no.
     It happened when you told him you wanted to end things.
     It happened when he didn't ask why.
     It happened when he walked away.
     Dallas Winston was never yours. But the thing is, you were never his either.
     You had hoped that he would turn around and ask you to stay. To be with him. Something.
     You knew he wouldn't.
     And he didn't.