Signal of Distress

36 - Freight

~ Wait for a Min - Tyga - Justin Bieber ~
❤︎❤︎❤︎

Scared of losing you so I push away
-River Mitchell

"Riv?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are you?"

"Down here." I tilt my head to see Eli leaning off my bed. He looks down at me and smiles.

"What're you doing on the floor?" He asks.

I shrug. "It's calming. Come lay next to me." I pat the wooden floor right next to me. He yawns as he crawls out of my bed and lays on the floor next to me.

Ashlyn left early this morning so I invited him over. We took a nap together but I woke up first. "What're we thinking about, love?" He asks. I love it when he calls me love.

"My sister," I mumble. She's all I thought about since I woke up.

He takes my hand lacing our fingers together as we stare up at the ceiling. "Have you ever thought about suicide?" I ask randomly.

When he doesn't answer I roll my head to the side to look at him. I immediately registered the worried look on his face. "Riv-" 

"Not me. I'm just asking." I smile softly. "Like do you ever think in the last few moments the person regrets it. They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes, what if that happens and they suddenly think 'I shouldn't have done this' you know."

He stares at me listening to every word. "To answer your question, yes," he says. My eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

He lets out a loud sigh. "When my father came back, during high school and when Summer died," he whispers.

"I didn't know," I breathe out.

"No one does babe. But I'm fine now because I found my happiness." He reaches his hand out pushing my hair back behind my ear.

He smiles lightly. "You know I love you right?" I remind him. He leans in and kisses me. "I love you," he whispers.

He pulls away and faces the ceiling again. "When are you going to open up to me about your mom and sister?" He asks. I didn't think he'd care about that.

"When I'm ready."

He sighs. "Riv, are you ever going to be ready?" He asks softly. I can tell he's trying not to step over any lines but he wants to know.

I shake my head. "No," I admit. I don't want to tell anyone. I just want to forget about it.

He sits up but I stay on the floor. "Riv I opened up to you about my sister. I don't want to force you into anything but you feel closed off. I want to know more about you," he says.

I don't want him to know. I don't even want to talk about this anymore. I stand up and dust off my pajama pants. "I have a class." I look around the room and pick up my phone, keys and bag.

"It's Sunday."

"Sunday class. Bible study," I mumble walking over to the door.

"In your pajamas?"

I look back at him. He's sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He almost looks defeated. I nod slowly. "Riv don't leave. Please."

"I'll see you later," I assure.

"River don't you fucking dare."

I walk out.

❤︎