I Love You But...

XI

We're walking on the street like Allie and Noah in The Notebook. I volunteered to accompany her so she would cool herself and for my peace of mind.

"Al, have you ever dated someone?"

"What's with the question?"

"I mean, you're a decent-looking guy, and I always see you working. Do you give yourself some time?"

"It never entered my mind since I started working."

"When did you start working?"

"I was seventeen then. My mother was ill."

"How is she?"

"She's dead."

"Oh... I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"It's fine. It's been years already."

She clutched my arm. "I hope you don't mind. My feet hurt already. I live there." She pointed to an apartment.

We're just a few steps away when it started raining heavily.

"Quick! She said.

We reached her unit.

"Al, here's a towel. Dry yourself. I'll make us some tea."

"You don't have to. I'll be fine."

"Not everyone who says they're fine is really fine. Besides, you took the trouble of bringing me home, so let me do this."

"Okay. I'll let you."

"Al, here's your - "

Her foot slipped, and the tea spilled on me.

"Aww..."

"Oh... I'm sorry. Remove your shirt and shower yourself with running water. The water's cold; go and rinse yourself."

I removed my shirt and walked towards the sink. I washed my arm and chest. She gave me the towel I used earlier.

"I... I'm sorry. I was clumsy."

"I'm okay. You don't have to worry."

"It's my fault. If I only removed my shoes, then I won't slip, and this will not happen to you." She began crying. "I'm being lame. I'm sorry."

I held her shoulder. "Jamie, this is not life-threatening. The burns will disappear later. Tell me you're crying not because of this. There's another reason, right?"

"You're right. There's another reason. I am dismayed; it was our anniversary the other day, and we're not able to celebrate. He said that he would make up for it tonight, but he has to work on a project. I can understand what you told me earlier, but I just... I just..." And she had her emotional breakdown. As much as I wanted to comfort her, I can only have my hand on her shoulder.

The rain stopped at the same time she stopped crying. I told her that I'm leaving, but she held my shirt, her face leaning on my back. I turned to face her; the distance is too close that I can hear her breathing. She placed her hands on my chest and lifted her head, so her eyes are gazing at mine. I wrapped my arms around her body. With the heat of the moment, I felt the urge to kiss her.

Our lips almost met when I realized that we shouldn't be doing this. I stopped myself; I removed her hands on my chest and walked away.

"What we're about to do is wrong." I told her and left.

I know that she doesn't have feelings for me. She was just needy, and I happened to be there. Despite what I feel about her, I cannot take advantage of the moment.