I Love You But...

XVII

I changed and prepared for bed. Jimmy consumed an hour of my time, but it's okay. Like he said, I don't sleep until ten o'clock.

I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I fell in love with my best friend's girlfriend even before I knew everything. How can I avoid this feeling? For love is a strong emotion; how can one contradict it? If I avoid her, it will be obvious, and Jimmy will know that there's something wrong. Both of them will have a clue about my feelings. Am I thinking a lot? For now, I'm gonna get some sleep.

About two hours later, I still cannot sleep.

Two things, Al. First, if you see her happy with him, you just have to be satisfied by loving her from a distance. However, if you see her unhappy with her boyfriend, you could tell her about your feelings... but you have to make sure that if she chooses you, she will be happier than ever.

Those words have played on my mind for the past hour and a half. I can still remember those words she said; when I told her that I'm in love with someone who's already in a relationship.

If you see her unhappy with her boyfriend...

If I recall, during their anniversary, she was... No, she was just disappointed with Jimmy. But that does not necessarily mean that she's unhappy. Disappointment and unhappiness are two different feelings. I haven't seen her unhappy with him so far.

I get out of my bed to pace around my room. I wanted to clear my thoughts, but I simply can't. I'm in love with my best friend's girlfriend. What should I do? Of course, I cannot simply say 'hey, I loved your girlfriend even before I knew she was yours' to Jimmy, or 'just so you know, I'm in love with you' to Jamie. I will be a total asshole if I dare to.

I went outside to buy a drink. I'm not a drunkard, but I feel like drinking. Maybe it can help. Sometimes, your mind is clearer when it's hazy... Or so I think.

I reached the nearest convenience store, which I am thankful that they're open twenty-four hours. I took a bottle of vodka, some ginger ale, and ice.

"Looks like you're the party runner, kiddo." The cashier said.

I smiled and paid. I'm the only person at that party.

When I arrived home, I grabbed a tall glass, poured in vodka and ginger ale, and added ice. I took a gulp, then another, until I downed my first glass. I began drinking to my heart's content.