March 4, 2012
Dear Louis,
My mom panicked over all the time I've been spending alone. She called Dr. Silver and she recommended she take me to the psyche part of the hospital. Mom took me and wouldn't leave me alone. She was crying and I just sat there, her tightly clutching my arm. I allowed myself to zone out my fingernails digging into my palm. I hate when people touch me with that desperation. I can feel their emotions flowing through their touch making me want to scream.
The lady brought us into the back in a private room and asked us why we were there. My mom, crying, no less told her everything from you leaving to me staying out of school to sit in the park. I don't speak of course so my mother answered the questions for me. She didn't know the answers to some of the questions as she had been so busy trying to help Elliott. This made her cry harder, she said she felt like it was her fault for not noticing. I couldn't speak but I hope she knows this isn't her fault. It's not yours either. This was my way of coping. My way of getting over the pain of losing one of the most important aspects of my life. They decided I wasn't a threat to myself and I had underlying issues that must be addressed. She recommend I stay at the center and take group and individual therapy sessions. Mom agreed and said she'd being me my clothes, toiletries and my stuffed dog, Ally. The one I made when I was six? She hugged me goodbye and left me watching from the window. The lady asked me to follow her and I gave her my look that you called my "go die" look. I didn't mean to be rude I just want to do this on my own.
I followed her down the hall as she told me everything that was here. She stopped outside of a door and opened it with a key. It's to be my room, with its sterile white walls and blue tiled floor. She said a rug would be brought by soon along with sheets and pillows. I nodded and sat on the bed by the window. I had a view of a rose garden....
13 individual sessions so far and 12 group. Seventy two days without you. I skipped the first one as I do most meals. They're more concerned and observant than mom so it's harder. I don't talk to the shrink here either. None of them would understand. They all think I need to move on. I think it aggravates them that I don't show any emotion. That I'm so calm and yet there's all this turmoil inside. They're calling me for today's individual session. I love you.
Always, Only, Forever Yours,
Mai <3
YOU ARE READING
Without You
RomansaUNDER EDITING: Mairenn and Louis had been together for a while. Neither of them kept track of the time. Mairenn knew Louis struggled with suicide and guilt over his parents leaving him and his sister when they were young. She loved him and supported...
