MEETING WITH MAHASHAKTI

Sex,Fame and Money

I have lived in Bhubaneswar since 1988.
After spending the years1989 and 90 at Utkal University,I started the journey of my life which later I discovered was my psychic or spiritual journey.Even at that time I was hundred percent sure it was humanly impossible to conquer the three great  devils appearing above.Can any man or woman be free from the Demon called sex?My answer would be a big No.So this led me to suspect even the holiest of the Indian spiritual luminaries.I could never think stalwarts like Ramakrishna Paramahamsa,his brilliant disciple Swami Vivekananda,Sai Baba and others were without lust and greed.Even I started debating within about the honesty of my great master,the greatest of the Odia saints so far in my opinion.He  was kind enough to give me a realisation that rendered me speechless and put me in deep shame.Probably he wanted to tell me that religion was not blind faith but pure science.

It was a wonderful phase and I was bewildered to experience something very strange.One evening when my wife was saying something to me face to face,I felt my presence in her...! " What is this?" I asked myself.It was my mouth, not hers,that was then speaking!I came back to my room and stayed busy speculating.After this, whenever I saw a beautiful and pretty woman,something very interesting began to happen.It was something illusory like you see something appearing to be water in the distance but when you reach there you find absolutely nothing.Then you find out she is an extension of yourself...! If you sit surrounded by some matchless beauties,you are like a lotus and those beauties are your petals----my integral parts.It is really an exhilarating experience!
At this stage you are hundred percent free from dualism..Many many years ago I had read an article in which Utkalamani Gopabandhu Das had spoken about feeling the presence of the entire world within your own soul.In other words, you find yourself bereft of the sense of distance...!I was doing graduation and then couldn't make head or tail of  what Gopabandhu meant.

When I read great Indian philosophers like Ramakrishna,Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo I came to know that they thought fame was meaningless.But I never believed in their honesty. This misconception was also cleared.What I exactly feel now is a bit funny. You take a comb and go to set your hair right but then you find that you have not a single hair on your head!Now everything happens within you and it looks funny and futile to think of anything outside you.It is wrong to think so.

Some  people thought Ramakrishna's attitude to money was exaggerated and showy.When he went to the market to buy provisions,a disciple used to accompany him  carrying coins in a bag. Ramakrishna said if he came in contact with money he felt sharp pinpricks on his body. Vivekananda once kept a coin under the bed of Ramakrishna when he was not there. Ramakrishna returned and when he sat on his bed,he felt a prick and said,"Rakhal,an insect underneath is biting me..." Rakhal searched for it under  the bed but didn't find any. Ramakrishna tried to lie down again but the same thing happened.
Rakhal searched under the quilts and found a coin. Ramakrishna said to Vivekananda," Naren,you have been trying to check out on me?"

Let me narrate a similar anecdote.Once Sai started shouting,"Ah...! People are walking on me..!I feel great pain..!" The crowd that had gathered there couldn't understand anything. A search was made and it was observed that people were walking on a photo of Sai!

I have developed a strong and violent dislike for sex and sensuality related things. I teach a high school boy online and most of the time the boy does think of sexual activities and I feel like squeezing his windpipe. I exclaim to myself silently,"What a devil this fellow is!"

After all this, I can't believe at all that Lord Krishna used to have sex with the gopi  girls.Nor can I believe that Prophet Muhammad had nine wives and he enjoyed them all to his heart's content.Any sadhu who has opened an ashram and has a large following and is found guilty of exploiting women is a tamashika or worldly person and is no better than the man on the street.
Considering this,I can never call Rajnish a saint because he encouraged sexuality and spoke of free sex. If a person like me becomes totally detached from sex,how could the towering incarnations like Rama,Krishna and our great sages of yore indulge in such a foolish act? Sex appears to be something meaningless.Many saints have described scenes of love-making of the gods and the goddesses. I find this to be a pure lie.It is also reflective of the worldly mindset of the poet who describes the love-making of the gods and the goddesses and gives expression to his own lewdness. My master gave me a rare glimpse into the futility of sexuality.Without this, I couldn't have reposed my trust in his honesty and character. I would have always doubted the honesty of Sai Baba even he given me a stern warning not to deviate from the path of brahmacharya(continence).

When I discussed this with my friends,I was amazed to know about their sexual orientation.None of them liked my decision to live the life of a celibate.This made me curious about the sex life of the people in the West.What I found on YouTube left me speechless. An eighty plus woman was boasting that she was fit enough to have sex twice a week.I also listened to some other men and women.I was full of pathos.
Rampant materialism and worldly pleasures  are the fountain of endless owes for man.All kinds of violence based on sex emanate from stark ignorance,of which I was for some time a victim too.I wonder at my stupidity when I had argued with Ramakrishna saying  I wanted a beautiful wife and not him.He had let out a stream of abuse in a tear-choked voice.Now I realise how eager the Almighty is to lead us into  reality.If this is the case,how stupid man is when he expects to enjoy carnal pleasures in heaven.I can avow that when we become liberated from the worldly bondage,the joy and ecstasy far outweighs what people get from indulgence in sex.Some can't have self- control and keep singing and dancing despite themselves.If this is the truth,carnal enjoyments in heaven looks like a man is champing away grasses convinced that nothing can be tastier than grasses.