Caught Up : (Young) Sirius Black x FemReader

Guilt

After Peter and Remus told us about what was happening with Sirius, I made a plan to speak with him. It is now 8:15 a.m., the girls are still sleeping and I think James and Sirius are still in there dorms. Lily and I went off to the library and Remus and Peter went to the Great Hall to eat breakfast.

Should I tell Lily I think to myself. She'll give me a whole lecture on how I hurt his feelings. I keeping thinking. But, shes my best friend.

"Hey Lily, can we talk?" I whisper. I mean, we are in a library.
"Yea sure. What it is?" She asks.

We both place our books down. I get up from my seat to sit next to her.

"I think I'm the one that made Sirius act this way." I start off by.
"What? How could you possibly know that?" She asks me genuinely.
"I don't know. I don't want to sound conceded or anything but, I feel that it was my doing that made him act 'strange'." I continue to explain.
"Okay. Tell me what happened." She says in a gentle tone.
"So when I was chosen for Sirius's spin, we went to our dorm. And of course I didn't want to do anything with him but we did end up talking. He was asking questions and I answered some.-" I rambled but then Lily stops me:
"What question did he ask you? And what did you respond with?" She interrogates.
"Umm-" I hesitate.
"Y/N." She says, dragging out my name.
"Just questions." I shout, but still in a whisper.
"What did he ask you." She asks once again, though this time her voice wasn't so gentle. She also paused between each word so it was intimidating.
"He asked 'Why do I hate him so much'". I finally tell her, mimicking his voice.
"And what did you say?" She asks.

I think before I answer, making sure I gather all of the right words.

"Oh you know, I just told him that he doesn't care about other people's feelings, and that he plays way to much. That he pranks innocent people. That he likes to go around messing with other girls' feeling and then leave them hanging, then that he acts like nothing happened. Then I tell him, 'You just don't care.' Then I told him that he doesn't understand what he does to those girls when he does that. Lastly, I told him he was oblivious when a girl actually does like him. Oh and I also told him we was a bad person." I say. Reciting every word from what I said that night.
"............you told him WHAT?" Lily finally cracks.
"What?! He asked." I say defensively.
"Yea, so you lie!" Lily exclaims. I'm surprised no one told us to 'shhh' yet.
"Lie!? Wow, I thought you would be the last to let someone to lie." I say, avoiding the situation.
"Y/N, you could've really hurt his feelings." She says, lowering her voice 
"Well....He kept on asking. So I gave him what he wanted....the truth." I say, not really caring about this conversation anymore.
"You have to speak with him, Y/N." She says.
"Yea I know." I sigh.

It's about 9:00 now. The girls finally came down and met up at the library.

"Girls, finally." Lily says.
"Sorry guys, we were really tried." Marlene said while rubbing her eyes.
"We understand. At least you all are here now." I say to them.
"Yeah, anyways, how did you guys know we were here?" Lily asks. She is just full of questions today isn't she. I joke in my head.
"The boys told us when we got down to the common room." Alice explains.
Lily and I look at each other slightly, "Which boys?" Lily continues to asks questions.
"Remus and Peter." Alice says.
"Oh, I though they were in the Great Hall." I say.
"I guess they went back, I don't know." Alice says.
"Was James and Sirius there?" Lily asks.
"Yeah. They came down when we came down." Says Mary.

I think for a minute. Would Sirius even want to talk to me? Or would he tell me to piss off. Who knows. I should probably tell the girls what I told Lily so they can get caught up.

"I need to tell you three something. Lily already knows." I start with.

After I told the girls what I told Lily, they all gave different reactions. Marlene laughed, Alice felt bad, and Mary didn't care too much. Which I expected if I'm being honest. They also had different responses. Marlene told me to let it be, and that it was about time that he was put in place. Alice told me to go speak with him and apologize. Mary told me that she didn't care what I did but she said that whatever I choose to do, it will be the right choice. Which leaves me with no idea what to do. All four responses, including Lily's, were valid. Maybe if I go see him, my decision will finally surface.

"Want to go eat now?" Lily suggest to the group.

We all agree and go to the Great Hall. We go to our usual spot and find the people sitting there. I said I will see him but not now! Anytime but now! I mentally scream.

"This is your chance, Y/N. Talk to him." Lily urges me.
"I just want to eat." I tell her.
"It will be better just to get it over with. The sooner you do it, the quicker this feeling will go away." She says.
"What feelings? I don't feel any feelings. I'm feeling free. No feelings here." I ramble. I hate myself.
"Stop lying to yourself. And stop stalling. Go!" Lily pushes.
"Okay okay, fine. Stop pushing me." I complain.

I walk up to the boys. It was only James and Sirius. I bet you, Sirius told James everything that happened, and now James will take his side and hate on me. I just now it.

"Hello, gentlemen." I greet.

They look at me and then look back down at their plates. Told you.

"Uhh, Sirius. Can we talk please?" I ask politely.

No response.

"Come on, Sirius. I just want to speak with you, that's all." I try again.

Still no response.

"Listen, I just want to apologize. Meet me in the Astronomy Tower at 11:00 so we can talk in private. Please." I leave, not looking back.

"Y/N, wait." I hear a voice say.

I turn around to find Sirius standing in the middle of the isle.

"Yes?" I say.

He and I hold eye contact for a moment. It was intense.

"I'll meet you there." Is all he says.
"Thank you." I say, I turn a walk back to the girls as quickly as possible.

"How did it go?" Lily asks.
"Well. We are going to speak privately in the Astronomy Tower at 11:00. Can you please cover for me if anyone asks where I am after hours." I ask.
"I don't kno-" before she could finish, I cut her off;
"Pleaseee. You wanted me to talk with him so I'm going to. It just happens to be after hours." I say.
"Fine. Just this once." Lily agrees.
"Thanks, Lily. I owe you one." I tell her.

The girls and I decided to eat in the other end of the table so we didn't have to deal with the awkwardness between Sirius and I. Who knew boys would be so difficult.

(A/N: hey guys. This is a little sloppy lol but the next one will be more interesting I promise. I hope you guys had a good 4th of July. I know I'm two days late but still. Thank you all for 4.5k reads. I love you guys so much!! Have a blessed day.)

- mj 💕